Posted on 07/31/2014 1:54:53 PM PDT by Morgana
It’s pretty depressing when you realize that, in 2014, many people seem to think that destruction of human dignity is a small price to pay for an orgasm.
I suppose when I write a column about a book that just sold its 100 millionth copy I shouldn’t be surprised when I get a bit of a kickback. But I have to say—I wasn’t expecting hundreds of commenters, many saying they were Christian, to come out loudly defending the porn novel 50 Shades of Grey, often tastelessly interspersed with details from their own sex lives.
People squawked that we “shouldn’t judge” those who practice bondage, domination, sadism and masochism (BDSM), and informed me that “no one gets hurt” and that it “isn’t abuse” and said that it was “just fantasy” (as if we have a separate brain and body for fantasy).
Meanwhile, not a single commenter addressed one of the main arguments I laid out—that with boys watching violent porn and girls being socialized to accept violence and torture inside of a sexual relationship, we have created a toxic situation in which people very much are being hurt.
In response to the defenders of this trash, let me make just a few points.
Not all consent is equal.
People keep trumpeting this stupid idea that just because someone consents to something or allows something to happen, it isn’t abusive.
But if someone consents to being beaten up, punched, slapped, whipped, called disgusting and degrading names, and have other things done to them that I will choose not to describe here, does that make it any less abusive? It makes it legal (perhaps, but it certainly doesn’t make it any less disgusting or violent.
Anyone who works with victims of domestic and sexual assault will tell you that just because someone permits something to happen or doesn’t extricate themselves from a situation doesn’t mean it isn’t, in fact, abuse. Only when it comes to sex are people starting to make this argument, so that they can cling to their fetishes and justify their turn-ons. Those women who defend the book because they think it spiced up their sex life are being incredibly selfish and negligent, refusing to think about how this book could affect other women in different situations, as well as young and impressionable girls. Advertisement
In the words of renowned porn researcher and sociologist Dr. Gail Dines:
In his book on batterers, Lundy Bancroft provides a list of potentially dangerous signs to watch out for from boyfriends. Needless to say, Christian [Grey of 50 Shades of Grey] is the poster boy of the list, not only with his jealous, controlling, stalking, sexually sadistic behavior, but his hypersensitivity to what he perceives as any slight against him, his whirlwind romancing of a younger, less powerful woman, and his Jekyll-and-Hyde mood swings. Any one of these is potentially dangerous, but a man who exhibits them all is lethal.
The most likely real-world ending of Fifty Shades of Grey is fifty shades of black and blue. The awful truth in the real world is that women who partner with a Christian Grey often end up hightailing it to a battered women's shelter with traumatized kids in tow. The less fortunate end up in graveyards.
50 Shades of Grey normalizes intimate partner violence…
…and sickeningly, even portrays it as romantic and erotic. Amy Bonomi, Lauren Altenburger, and Nicole Walton published an article on the impact of 50 Shades last year in the Journal of Women’s Health. Their conclusions are intuitive and horrifying:
While intimate partner violence (IPV) affects 25% of women and impairs health, current societal conditions—including the normalization of abuse in popular culture such as novels, film, and music—create the context to support such violence.
Emotional abuse is present in nearly every interaction, including: stalking (Christian deliberately follows Anastasia and appears in unusual places, uses a phone and computer to track Anastasia’s whereabouts, and delivers expensive gifts); intimidation (Christian uses intimidating verbal and nonverbal behaviors, such as routinely commanding Anastasia to eat and threatening to punish her); and isolation (Christian limits Anastasia’s social contact). Sexual violence is pervasive—including using alcohol to compromise Anastasia’s consent, as well as intimidation (Christian initiates sexual encounters when genuinely angry, dismisses Anastasia’s requests for boundaries, and threatens her). Anastasia experiences reactions typical of abused women, including: constant perceived threat (“my stomach churns from his threats”); altered identity (describes herself as a “pale, haunted ghost”); and stressful managing (engages in behaviors to “keep the peace,” such as withholding information about her social whereabouts to avoid Christian’s anger). Anastasia becomes disempowered and entrapped in the relationship as her behaviors become mechanized in response to Christian’s abuse.
Our analysis identified patterns in Fifty Shades that reflect pervasive intimate partner violence—one of the biggest problems of our time. Further, our analysis adds to a growing body of literature noting dangerous violence standards being perpetuated in popular culture.
Really? Sadism?
I notice that commenters rarely break down what the acronym “BDSM” actually stands for: bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism. If they did, they could no longer make the repulsive claim that “love” or “intimacy” have anything to do with it.
The definition of sadism is “enjoyment that someone gets from being violent or cruel or from causing pain, especially sexual enjoyment from hurting or punishing someone…a sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by the infliction of physical or mental pain on others.”
As one of my colleagues noted, we used to send sadists to a therapist or to prison, not to the bedroom. And 100 million copies of this porn novel have been unleashed on our society informing people that getting off on hurting someone is romantic and erotic. It is a brutal irony that people who scream about water-boarding terrorists are watching and experimenting with sexual practices far more brutal. As one porn researcher noted, some online BDSM porn promotes practices and behaviors that would be considered unlawful under the Geneva Convention if they were taking place in a wartime context.
It seems the Sexual Revolutionaries have gone from promoting “safe sex” to “safe words”—just in case the pain gets too rough. And none of them seem to be volunteering information on just how a woman is supposed to employ a safe word with a gag or bondage headgear on.
But who cares, right? Just one more casualty on our culture’s new Sexual Frontier.
“It’s just fiction and fantasy and has no effect on the real world!”
That’s total garbage and they know it. I’ve met multiple girls who were abused like this inside of relationships. Hotels are offering “50 Shades of Grey” packages replete with the helicopter and private suites for the proceedings. According to the New York Post, sales of rope exploded tenfold after the release of the book. Babeland reported that visits to the bondage section of their website spiked 81%, with an almost 30% increase in the sale of things like riding crops and handcuffs.
I could go on, but I won’t. As Babeland co-founder Claire Cavanah noted, “It’s like a juggernaut. You’d be surprised to see how very ordinary these people are who are coming in. The book is just an explosion of permission for them to try something new in the bedroom.”
What does this book and the BDSM movement say about the value of women and girls?
I’d like the defenders of this book to try stop thinking with their nether-regions for just a moment and ask themselves a few simple questions: What does sadism and sexual torture (consensual or not) say to our culture about the value of girls? What does it say to boys about how they should treat girls? The youth of today are inundated with porn and sexually violent material—is nobody—nobody—at all worried about the impact this has on them? On the girls who are being abused by boys who think this is normal behavior—and think it is normal themselves?
Dr. Gail Dines relates that when speaking to groups of women who loved the book, they all grow deathly silent when she asks them two simple questions: Would you want your daughter to be in a relationship with Christian Grey? Would you want your son to turn into Christian Grey?
If the answer is yes to either of those, someone should call social services.
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This book and the sadism it promotes are an assault on human dignity, and most of all an assault on the worth and value of girls and women. Please consider the impact you will have on your daughters and the vulnerable and confused people around you when you read and promote this book. Anastasia Steele is, thankfully, a fictional character. But real girls are facing these expectations and demands from a culture that elevates a sexual sadist to the level of a romantic hero. Ask yourselves if you want their “love” and “intimacy” to include sadism and domination, or real respect.
Because you can’t have both.
There is an radio Talk show hosts that talks about the problems of porn addiction. One of the most serious is that the thrill does wear off and you need a fix that is more perverse to get the same thrill. Consequently what begins as voyeurism escalate in a short period of time to BDSM.
Having read the wiki plot summary, the book is a woman's fantasy on many levels. A college senior who works at a hardware store hooks up with a handsome, 27-year-old billionaire entrepreneur, who dominates her, showers her with presents, and becomes totally obsessed with her.
Look at women's romance novels and note how many are about some wealthy/powerful man who falls for some ordinary woman. How many of them involve the woman being "ravished" by the dominant man who just cannot control himself in his desire for her.
This has been going on "under the radar" for a VERY long time.
?
somewhere, more than a year ago I saw a comment to
the effect that the real purpose, or one of them of
the Fifty Shades “book” was to promote political
submission; I regret I cannot give credit.
Maybe the author misunderstood when the defenders of the book claimed to be Christian. Sounds like they might have just been identifying with the character in the book.
I was speaking in terms of the general population accepting LGBT activism not FR. But I do find it curious that while most here (I think) claim to be okay with gays ‘keeping it to themselves’ they are not quite as tolerant of heterosexual fantasies.
Overall this Fifty Shades thing strikes me as more of a feminist/pc controversy. They hate that a fictional woman dares to want to play a ‘submissive’ role. Introducing the ‘how Christian is it?’ angle is a red herring for whether it deserves special scorn. It isn’t particularly more or less antichristian than typical trashy romance novels nobody cares to think about.
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Changing what you call a disorder that leads to disgusting, anti-Christ, anti-Christian, perversion doesn't change what the resulting perversion really is.
Just so you're aware of the facts as opposed to the popular fantasy.
I have stated so many times before, there is nothing gay about a male lifestyle of vectoring diseases, often by the fecal oral route with another sick male. The marketing of this monstrous public health threat can mostly be attributed to Hollywood.
Don’t buy it. The male homosexual lifestyle is at the top of the list of threats to our children and public health.
I absolutely agree with you.
The argument I was using is that which I use when the subject is brought up in a non-Christian setting. It’s for people for whom the moral objections are meaningless.
That’s why it was preceded by *If*.
This country was at its greatest when a whole bunch of stuff that is legal now was illegal, thus defeating the argument that making moral stuff like that legal has no ramifications.
It does because it never was about simply lifestyle choices, but rather about tearing down the moral fabric of our society.
Their argument of what we do in the privacy of our own bedrooms is nobody’s business was the first step on the slippery slope and a whole bunch of people who were wusses and didn’t want to be accused of being *intolerant* caved.
And look where we are now.
How sexy. An S&M porn flick for Valentines Day! How far this society has fallen.
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I could not agree more. Well said.
EXACTLY.
My Doc has virtually said the same thing about them .
If we’ve decided that LBGT relationships are none of our business we have absolutely no justification getting in the way of someone elses adult consensual BDSM relationship just because we think its weird and creepy. Frankly most of the anger toward these books is from puritanical feminists who feel every single woman, even all the fictional ones must behave like their idea of an assertive brash dominant ‘real woman’.When did "we" decide that "LBGT relationships are none of our business"?
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