Posted on 08/02/2012 11:33:54 AM PDT by Sir Napsalot
(snip) ... Similar dating advice can be found in arcane classics like Advice to a Young Wife from an Old Mistress and the more recent Secrets About Men from the Mayflower Madam (who trained her “girls” in deportment and other finishing-school finer points).
Advice like: Don’t act like a slut (in public). Listen. Be gracious and grateful.
And don’t talk too much.
The Jezebels are outraged.
“These writers want us to go back to the ’50s!” they type furiously.
.....
In the July 4 Daily Mail, Sarah Bridge asks, “Are women like me too critical to attract a man?”
Here’s an excerpt:
Single at the age of 39, I’ve often wondered why none of my relationships lasted the distance, but had always put it down to luck and timing ....“Your problem is that you’re really snippy,” he said.
“Snippy?” I asked, not entirely sure what he meant.
“Yes, snippy,” he said. “Abrupt. Critical. If someone says or does something wrong, then you’re onto it straight away. Men will ignore a lot of things if they fancy someone — a weird dress sense, or taking hours getting ready to go out — but they hate being put down or made to feel small. You can be funny, but sometimes it’s way too close for comfort.”
Now, should you read the original piece online, which includes two photos of the writer, you may have other ideas about why Bridge remains unattached.
(Excerpt) Read more at pjmedia.com ...
The way my family showed that we heard you and were responding to what you said was to tell of our OWN experience regarding that subject. But often, especially in a long relationship, they have HEARD that story already.
If someone mentions a subject I sometimes think to myself “this will trigger my dad to tell story #1167 in 3..2..1.”. And then he tells the story and we chuckle at the punchline and pretend it isn't the eleventeenth time we have heard it.
But is waiting to tell them YOUR story on the same subject the same as an actual conversation, and letting the person know you heard and understand their concerns?
Being a full-time mom is hard work, no doubt about that. However, times get a bit easier when the kids are away at school during the day.. Career moms thought ‘careers’ would be easier. SURPRISE! You have to work during the day when the kids are at school then you have the kids home at night after your hard day at work. My mom says women really screwed up for buying into that way of life. Yeah yeah some women had no choice but women as a whole made the choice to see to it that eventually there’d be no choice. Men no longer have a purpose in life because women can ‘do it all without them’. Perhaps this is why men are being slowly marginalized down a path to nonexistence.
Maybe if they picked a photo with an ugly hag in it I would understand. Otherwise, I’d say this man’s gay. LOL
Everyone know you have to stroke a man’s EGO a little in order for him to stay interested.
Among other things.
But I never said or implied that men should be more like women which was your claim:
Your comments on this thread seem to say over and over, men should be more like women
I would say not.
It's more like a "rote" conversation (which is good for entertainment or passing the time of day...not always bad necessarily) and not like a "deepening" relationship where you're getting to know the person better.
If there's one thing most wives like their husbands to know...it's the "deepening" kind of conversations they need. Some more than others.
Reminds me of a scene in “The Dark Knight” where Batman goes after Maroni the crime boss in a night club. He’s there with a bimbo and she is yelling, “can’t we go someplace where we can talk?”
His answer: “What makes you think I want to hear you talk?”
your quote is close.....tis better to live in the attic that live with a quarrelsome woman....bible is full of lots of wisdom.....(I may not have it perfect either :O)
To me (and my family apparently) telling YOUR story on the subject was a way of saying “I heard your story and concern - and this is my experience on the subject”.
To me that was more interactive than just a “I hear you, and think that such people who do X, Y or Z will get what is coming to them” - instead you tell a story where someone who did X, Y or Z got their just desserts! A different way of saying the same thing - but it gets old when they have HEARD that one already.
My ex wife used to listen patiently to me telling such a story then chime in with the fact that this time I had revealed ONE as of yet unrevealed detail in that same old story. OUCH!
I used to live (near Washington D.C.) next to an ex - CIA spy. He was the MASTER at asking leading questions. I would notice that after a 20 minute conversation with the guy - he got tons of information out of me - and I got NOTHING out of him.
And yet he was a fun guy to talk to. Most people's favorite subject is themselves - and leading questions give a good opportunity for someone to talk about their favorite subject.
As I have said, leading questions have revolutionized my conversation style. Sometimes people DO have something to say - and they are NOT just going to say it without prompting.
And I agree with you about the “deepening” kind of conversation, not necessarily anecdotes about your experience with X, Y and Z - but how your REALLY FEEL about such things, why people do them, what the results are likely to be - and a validation of their concerns and opinions.
Do you think that when people feel listened to on a more fundamental level, that they are less likely to chew your ear off with minutiae?
Whew!
I always get grief for not taking enough.
Anything more than two short sentences is just superfluous.
Yes, dear.
Here is the one big difference between a man and a woman, on the subject of talking about work.
Wife asks husband “How’s work?” Husband says, “Fine!”
The Husband doesn’t even have to ask the Wife how was her work, she will go right ahead for a half-an-hour and talk about every single detail, and then demand the husband tell her what she should do about “so and so” at the office, as if he worked with those people.
Thank God!!
My wife always complains that I never listen to her, or at least I think that’s what she says.
Another big difference between men and women:
A woman, after spending a long time in the bathroom, will come out and say, “Okay, I’m ready!”
A man, after spending a long time in the bathroom, will come out and say, “I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.”
Not necessarily. The person who feels honored by your interest will treat it graciously.
But the person who feels its her/her due might go on and on.
My ex wife used to listen patiently to me telling such a story
Just out of curiousity. Is this the one who clued you into the "leading question" theory or is there a new Mrs. who did that?
You do have interesting stories BTW!
Often, if someone would get to the point and address objective issues, there wouldn’t be minutiae to go on about.
Now, now. Mustn’t ise the Lord’s name in vain, even to “win” an argument with a collection of letters on a screen.
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