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But is waiting to tell them YOUR story on the same subject the same as an actual conversation, and letting the person know you heard and understand their concerns?

I would say not.

It's more like a "rote" conversation (which is good for entertainment or passing the time of day...not always bad necessarily) and not like a "deepening" relationship where you're getting to know the person better.

If there's one thing most wives like their husbands to know...it's the "deepening" kind of conversations they need. Some more than others.

My wife had the same opinion.

To me (and my family apparently) telling YOUR story on the subject was a way of saying “I heard your story and concern - and this is my experience on the subject”.

To me that was more interactive than just a “I hear you, and think that such people who do X, Y or Z will get what is coming to them” - instead you tell a story where someone who did X, Y or Z got their just desserts! A different way of saying the same thing - but it gets old when they have HEARD that one already.

My ex wife used to listen patiently to me telling such a story then chime in with the fact that this time I had revealed ONE as of yet unrevealed detail in that same old story. OUCH!

I used to live (near Washington D.C.) next to an ex - CIA spy. He was the MASTER at asking leading questions. I would notice that after a 20 minute conversation with the guy - he got tons of information out of me - and I got NOTHING out of him.

And yet he was a fun guy to talk to. Most people's favorite subject is themselves - and leading questions give a good opportunity for someone to talk about their favorite subject.

As I have said, leading questions have revolutionized my conversation style. Sometimes people DO have something to say - and they are NOT just going to say it without prompting.

And I agree with you about the “deepening” kind of conversation, not necessarily anecdotes about your experience with X, Y and Z - but how your REALLY FEEL about such things, why people do them, what the results are likely to be - and a validation of their concerns and opinions.

Do you think that when people feel listened to on a more fundamental level, that they are less likely to chew your ear off with minutiae?