Skip to comments.How Women Ruin Romance by Talking Too Much
Posted on 08/02/2012 11:33:54 AM PDT by Sir Napsalot
(snip) ... Similar dating advice can be found in arcane classics like Advice to a Young Wife from an Old Mistress and the more recent Secrets About Men from the Mayflower Madam (who trained her girls in deportment and other finishing-school finer points).
Advice like: Dont act like a slut (in public). Listen. Be gracious and grateful.
And dont talk too much.
The Jezebels are outraged.
These writers want us to go back to the 50s! they type furiously.
In the July 4 Daily Mail, Sarah Bridge asks, Are women like me too critical to attract a man?
Heres an excerpt:
Single at the age of 39, Ive often wondered why none of my relationships lasted the distance, but had always put it down to luck and timing ....Your problem is that youre really snippy, he said.
Snippy? I asked, not entirely sure what he meant.
Yes, snippy, he said. Abrupt. Critical. If someone says or does something wrong, then youre onto it straight away. Men will ignore a lot of things if they fancy someone a weird dress sense, or taking hours getting ready to go out but they hate being put down or made to feel small. You can be funny, but sometimes its way too close for comfort.
Now, should you read the original piece online, which includes two photos of the writer, you may have other ideas about why Bridge remains unattached.
(Excerpt) Read more at pjmedia.com ...
Terrific stuff. With my late wife (whom I loved desperately) I was so thankful to have her have a couple of friends she could talk to for hours on end. That way I only had to listen to the crap that bugged her only once or twice.
And being a public school teacher she had PLENTY of crap that bugged her.
The sigh is the telltale sign of all husbands worn to a nub by years of criticism from a chatterbox harridan of a wife. Watch and see what happens the next time he opens his mouth. Wrong again!!! Bzzzttt. Just not worth the effort to divorce her but not quite to the blow your brains out stage, so he sits and sighs.
On day God brought his cupped hands down to Adam and opened them saying, “Adam, this is female. Her name is Eve.” And Adam was happy.
But after a few days he - of course - did something incomprehensibly, stupidly male for which Eve immediately started bitching him out.
Adam was confused and not knowing what to do, looked to the heavens and said “God, I don’t understand this. I need help.”
God realized he had been tired when creating Eve and made a couple flaws that were now, too late to fix.
He thought, for what were in Gods terms, a long time and finally brought his cupped hands down before Adam. He opened them saying, “Adam, this is dog.”
And Adam was happy.
Far from it. She is very much in love with her husband...they have been married over 30 years. I have never heard her say anything nasty about him. I have heard him cut her in what he perceives to be a joking way. But she is a sensitive person.
She is affectionate and everyone loves her. But she has struggled with various things. Her husband had an affair years ago and she has suffered from some depression. She is now a regular church-goer (he does not attend) and that seems to be helping her somewhat. My take is that she wants her husband to connect more with her intellectually (offer ideas, for example, with the raising of their kids and provide spiritual leadership) and that is why she is a chatterbox.
Oh my gosh! LOL! I’ve had that EXACT conversation with Hubby!
I think it’s weird that he doesn’t know and he thinks it’s weird that I not only know why my friend is getting divorced, but I also knew six months before her husband.
It could be that you’re completely mis-interpreting what is going on.
He isn’t lacking in leadership or conversational skills. He’s just been talked to death and he knows that if he gives anything but monosyllabic replies, it encourages her... and she won’t shut up for hours on end.
My finding is that women simply talk too much. Period, end of discussion. You can’t get a “yes” or “no” answer out of a woman. You get a “yes” or “no” followed by 10 minutes of justification, explanation, second-guessing and analysis.
That's what friends are for, apparently, lol.
The people I grew up around didn't need to be asked - we were a bunch of story tellers - joke tellers - opinion pontificators - excuse me while I go off on a rant that would put Dennis Miller to shame.
As a result I figured that if someone had something to say - they would SAY IT.
I took (and am taking) her advice and now ask questions of people and it is amazing the response I got and am getting.
I asked my normally quiet friend a few questions about marriage and fatherhood to test her theory - we had a deeper and more meaningful conversation in that one hour that the previous ten hours we had spent talking together.
Other than the impression of people on my Crew team - where I was all business - nobody has EVER accused me of not talking enough. Not asking leading questions? Yes. Not having PLENTY to say on my own. NEVER!.... hardly ever! ;)
So do you think asking leading questions would improve the conversation most couples have?
Believe it or not, this is the primary contributing factor to the ever increasing divorce rate. Women have assumed the role of men while abandoning their role resulting in the emasculation of men as well. It's a lose, lose and lose proposition thanks to those man-haters of the '60's Bella Abzug, Gloria Steinem, and their bull dyke ilk. This was one of the progressives' crowning achievements, necessary in destroying the fabric which holds America together; the family unit. For some reason, heterosexual females fell for this ploy. It only took one on the block who in turn pressured her 'stay at home mom' neighbors to feel guilty about their role and join the bra-burning club. The only thing that became of this was skyrocketing prices of consumer goods and housing, and children abandoned to be raised by faux moms who can't even speak English. Denial of God's plan for a man and a woman is having disastrous consequences in every way imaginable.
The fact that his daughter is completely messed up shows that you don't know the facts of the matter. I'm glad the mother is now going to church to seek spiritual guidance. It would be nice if her husband had shown some leadership in that area years ago. They might have avoided some of their troubles. His affair also indicates that he hasn't been much of a leader.
You cant get a yes or no answer out of a woman.
Perhaps true with the women you're involved with. But you paint with a broad brush. I'm pretty sure there's a few women out there who are different than yours. Maggie Thatcher wouldn't have gotten far if she had been the kind that you apparently know.
She is a nice person and has a nice circle of friends.
... a nice circle of friends who take potshots at her husband regarding matters between the two of them, if your past several replies are any indication.
Does she not attempt to stop you? She really should.
I think generally that this is not the problem women have. By the tone of most of the comments on this thread it's pretty clear that most women probably already do a lot of this.
But, yes, leading questions (on the part of husbands) would show a personal interest and likely would end up deepening relationships.
Maybe some men are afraid to do this because they think their wives would talk even more! Or maybe they're just not aware as you perhaps were not until your wife pointed it out. But I have a theory that the root cause of a lot of female chatter is that women don't feel close to their husbands emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and they're desperate to fill the gap. So more "leading questions" as you put it from their mate might be one of the keys to closing that gap and lessening the volume of empty words. All IMHO.
I’m sending these both to my teenage daughter.
Maybe it will help...
Your comments on this thread seem to say over and over, men should be more like women, and not a glimmer of the other perspective.
I read somewhere that one of the things that women subconsciously rate men on is how much the talk. Women love chatterbox men.
You read wrong. We do not love chatterbox men. The average single women want a man who talks enough to say great things about the woman and about how much she means to him.
Married women have other priorities don’t need so much chatter, as long as basic communication is going on.
Of course, Mr. Bigg Red is darn-near perfect, so perhaps I should not compare my situation to that of all of those unfortunate other women.
Asking shows I care. Sure I do care - but asking shows it verbally.
I am more into non-verbal communication, but that doesn't suffice.
Do you think a woman asking leading questions might solicit more conversation from an otherwise silent husband?
But it's funny you didn't think it was a potshot when I acknowledged she was a chatterbox. And yet you felt free to falsely call her a harridan...are you free from taking potshots?
I've just been trying to think through their problems, my friend, to see if I can help find some redemption for their daughter.
The one I heard was that his diary entry said “A five putt on the 15th hole. How in the hell can someone five putt!”
No, this is not my belief. I don't think I have either said or implied this.
OMW! That is meant to be humorous, I know, but it is not really that far from reality.
Women, I believe, just have a built-in need to worry and fuss and work on the relationship. We can’t help it. I consider myself a very rational woman, but I have done that all of my adult life. Even now, in my senior years, I have not shaken the habits completely.
I’m not in the presence of either party to do so.
In some circumstances it may very well do so.
Leading questions show personal interest...usually a good thing.
Perhaps I’ve read more into your words than you meant. And as a male, I likely have a different perspective.
I grew up with only a brother and rarely was around girls often until dating and college.
Now married with 3 girls, all my activities revolve around girls.
I am often still amazed at how different the perspective and and priorities seem to be.
I am a woman, and I remember the times you reference. While I cannot disagree with anything you say, I think you need to add to the discussion a fact that is seldom brought up.
Many full-time homemakers bought into a view that their husbands had, i.e., that the work the women did was not that important. There was no paycheck involved, so the work was really not so special and anyone could do it. Sadly, that attitude continues.
Taking care of your own children is a very emotionally trying undertaking. It can be draining. That’s why so many women would rather pay some stranger to do it for them.
Then you should not pretend that you know their situation.
My wife talks a lot. A lot.
I don’t mind it. She’s the nicest person I’ve ever met and I enjoy listening to her talk about things that I don’t even care about.
With all that said, you might consider reading back through your comments on this thread and how often you expressed how the man should act differently, and not the woman.
It is the basis of my first comment.
The way my family showed that we heard you and were responding to what you said was to tell of our OWN experience regarding that subject. But often, especially in a long relationship, they have HEARD that story already.
If someone mentions a subject I sometimes think to myself “this will trigger my dad to tell story #1167 in 3..2..1.”. And then he tells the story and we chuckle at the punchline and pretend it isn't the eleventeenth time we have heard it.
But is waiting to tell them YOUR story on the same subject the same as an actual conversation, and letting the person know you heard and understand their concerns?
Being a full-time mom is hard work, no doubt about that. However, times get a bit easier when the kids are away at school during the day.. Career moms thought ‘careers’ would be easier. SURPRISE! You have to work during the day when the kids are at school then you have the kids home at night after your hard day at work. My mom says women really screwed up for buying into that way of life. Yeah yeah some women had no choice but women as a whole made the choice to see to it that eventually there’d be no choice. Men no longer have a purpose in life because women can ‘do it all without them’. Perhaps this is why men are being slowly marginalized down a path to nonexistence.
Maybe if they picked a photo with an ugly hag in it I would understand. Otherwise, I’d say this man’s gay. LOL
Everyone know you have to stroke a mans EGO a little in order for him to stay interested.
Among other things.
But I never said or implied that men should be more like women which was your claim:
Your comments on this thread seem to say over and over, men should be more like women
I would say not.
It's more like a "rote" conversation (which is good for entertainment or passing the time of day...not always bad necessarily) and not like a "deepening" relationship where you're getting to know the person better.
If there's one thing most wives like their husbands to know...it's the "deepening" kind of conversations they need. Some more than others.
Reminds me of a scene in “The Dark Knight” where Batman goes after Maroni the crime boss in a night club. He’s there with a bimbo and she is yelling, “can’t we go someplace where we can talk?”
His answer: “What makes you think I want to hear you talk?”
your quote is close.....tis better to live in the attic that live with a quarrelsome woman....bible is full of lots of wisdom.....(I may not have it perfect either :O)
To me (and my family apparently) telling YOUR story on the subject was a way of saying “I heard your story and concern - and this is my experience on the subject”.
To me that was more interactive than just a “I hear you, and think that such people who do X, Y or Z will get what is coming to them” - instead you tell a story where someone who did X, Y or Z got their just desserts! A different way of saying the same thing - but it gets old when they have HEARD that one already.
My ex wife used to listen patiently to me telling such a story then chime in with the fact that this time I had revealed ONE as of yet unrevealed detail in that same old story. OUCH!
I used to live (near Washington D.C.) next to an ex - CIA spy. He was the MASTER at asking leading questions. I would notice that after a 20 minute conversation with the guy - he got tons of information out of me - and I got NOTHING out of him.
And yet he was a fun guy to talk to. Most people's favorite subject is themselves - and leading questions give a good opportunity for someone to talk about their favorite subject.
As I have said, leading questions have revolutionized my conversation style. Sometimes people DO have something to say - and they are NOT just going to say it without prompting.
And I agree with you about the “deepening” kind of conversation, not necessarily anecdotes about your experience with X, Y and Z - but how your REALLY FEEL about such things, why people do them, what the results are likely to be - and a validation of their concerns and opinions.
Do you think that when people feel listened to on a more fundamental level, that they are less likely to chew your ear off with minutiae?
I always get grief for not taking enough.
Anything more than two short sentences is just superfluous.
Here is the one big difference between a man and a woman, on the subject of talking about work.
Wife asks husband “How’s work?” Husband says, “Fine!”
The Husband doesn’t even have to ask the Wife how was her work, she will go right ahead for a half-an-hour and talk about every single detail, and then demand the husband tell her what she should do about “so and so” at the office, as if he worked with those people.
My wife always complains that I never listen to her, or at least I think that’s what she says.
Another big difference between men and women:
A woman, after spending a long time in the bathroom, will come out and say, “Okay, I’m ready!”
A man, after spending a long time in the bathroom, will come out and say, “I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.”
Not necessarily. The person who feels honored by your interest will treat it graciously.
But the person who feels its her/her due might go on and on.
My ex wife used to listen patiently to me telling such a story
Just out of curiousity. Is this the one who clued you into the "leading question" theory or is there a new Mrs. who did that?
You do have interesting stories BTW!
Often, if someone would get to the point and address objective issues, there wouldn’t be minutiae to go on about.
Now, now. Mustn’t ise the Lord’s name in vain, even to “win” an argument with a collection of letters on a screen.
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