Biden Says Hoarders Are Retarding Economy

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 Sep 2014 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Citing a paper released this week by the St. Louis Federal Reserve, Vice-President Joe Biden blamed American consumers for the sluggish economy.

“The government is doing everything it can to try to stimulate the economy,” Biden contended. “The federal government is spending every dollar it can get its hands on. The Federal Reserve is manufacturing new dollars at an unprecedented pace. But consumers are just sitting on their cash.”

“Hoarding cash makes no sense,” the Veep argued. “The dollar’s purchasing power is being diluted on a daily basis by government policies. Spending your dollars before they lose even more value is what you should do.”

Biden dismissed concerns that people might be saving out of fear of losing their jobs, saying that “there’s no need for anyone to provide their own safety net. In fact, depleting all your assets and means of subsistence makes you eligible for the maximum amount of public assistance.”

“If private hoarding continues the government may have to implement a more vigorous escheatment process in order to put these idle funds to better use,” Biden suggested. “I mean, if people are just sitting on inactive balances in savings accounts the government has the need and the right to seize these funds and inject them into the flow of commerce.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2014/09/06/kerry-says-isis-will-be-destroyed-within-three-years/

[Chuckster]

When people have to read 3 times to ensure it is truly satire, you have hit the mark :)

Now lets see how many people realize it... lol

The "Semi-News/Semi-Satire" link in red at the top should be a clue.

[Impala64ssa]

It’s satire, but if “Plugs” Biden really did use the word retarded, he’ll no doubt get a free pass on it, after all, that’s just our crazy Uncle Joe. Especially since 0 disparaged the Special Olympics on Jay Leno’s show, people with learning disabilities aren’t that much of a “protected class”

[rabidralph]

Oh my goodness! I thought this was authentic till you mentioned it!

[freedumb2003]

>>The “Semi-News/Semi-Satire” link in red at the top should be a clue.<<

Let’s face it, the standard FR sequence of events is:
1) read headline
2) post reaction to headline
3) read article excerpt
4) look at source link/name
5) (optional) read the actual article
6) (VERY optional) post apology for #2

:)

[precisionshootist]

Mods/JRob should ban the posting of satire. There is enough disinformation to sift through already. It’s inevitable some will not catch this as a joke then go on to repeat it somewhere and make conservatives look like fools. This stuff is a waste of time and is actually counter productive to the efforts of freerepublic.

[real saxophonist]

I’ve been called a ‘packrat’ before, I’m comfortable with that.

[Joe Boucher]

Joe Biden is a drunk.

[moovova]

“Biden Says Hoarders Are Retarding Economy”

More like Dim Retards are Hoarding the Economy.

[Mr. Jeeves]

“Hoarding cash makes no sense,” the Veep argued.

Well, he's right - since it's apparently worthless. How much is your bank willing to pay you to borrow yours?

Another one that a little too true, John... :)

[kitkat]

This is a great piece of satire because it sounds just like what Obama wants to do to this country. I hope it gets printed all over the internet, and that nobody realizes that it’s just satire.

[logi_cal869]

Yes, he got me...again.

[Smokin' Joe]

Excellent!

[tet68]

Another good one John.

VP Biden says, “ Give up your seed grain, we are
having bountiful harvests and you won’t need it
next year...”

When the difference between reality and satire is
minimal you know you are in TROUBLE.

[a fool in paradise]

Biden dismissed concerns that people might be saving out of fear of losing their jobs, saying that “there’s no need for anyone to provide their own safety net. In fact, depleting all your assets and means of subsistence makes you eligible for the maximum amount of public assistance.”

"You see, a pimp's love is very different..."

[Slings and Arrows]

Mods/JRob should ban the posting of satire. There is enough disinformation to sift through already. It’s inevitable some will not catch this as a joke then go on to repeat it somewhere and make conservatives look like fools. This stuff is a waste of time and is actually counter productive to the efforts of freerepublic.

Here's your badge.

[Bailee]

Biden contended. “The federal government is spending every dollar it can get its hands on. The Federal Reserve is manufacturing new dollars at an unprecedented pace.

Priceless.

[freedumb2003]

>>Mods/JRob should ban the posting of satire.<<

It is clearly signposted as satire. It is just really GOOD satire as it has the ring of truth.

You are just upset because you fell for it.

:)

[freedumb2003]

I have SO stolen that gif! lol

[Slings and Arrows]

Use it in good health.

[DungeonMaster]

Biden said “retard”. LOL