Posted on 04/07/2014 2:09:29 PM PDT by John Semmens
This past week’s second mass shooting at the Ft. Hood Army base may finally stir the Department of Defense into action. Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel is reportedly ready to ban smoking by military personnel.
“While some are using this tragedy to urge that military personnel be allowed to carry weapons for self defense, I am not going to be stampeded into a move that runs counter to the President’s philosophy on guns,” Hagel declared. “These shootings are tragic, but the toll from smoking is far larger.”
“Even if we were to come up with a successful counter to these mass murders we are talking of saving only a handful of lives,” Hagel pointed out. “In contrast, thousands of those who serve in the military will die prematurely from smoking. Reducing this source of casualties seems to me to be a much more rewarding course of action.”
In a jointly issued letter, Senators Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn), Dick Durbin (D-Ill), Tom Harkin (D-Iowa), Jack Reed (D-R.I.), and Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio) praised Hagel’s “outside the box thinking. For too long we have allowed US military personnel to degrade their health by indulging in unsavory habits. This negatively impacts their fitness to serve. It is tantamount to destroying government property and threatens the security of this nation. By nipping this veritable treason in the bud, Secretary Hagel has demonstrated true courage.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://azconservative.org/2014/04/05/epa-justifies-experiments/
How about banning soldier-to-soldier anal probes with their “gun” (for fun)....
as equally not related. but would be far more moral to ban.
But first... they must address the huge problem of how their hair codes affect black female soldiers with the cornrows and dreadlocks and so on.
Priorities, priorities.....
shoot, didn’t check the news source until after post.
“...president’s phylosophy on guns”...must mean only criminals have that priviledge. That is the president’s phylosophy for us all - and NO smok ing!
I guess the President's philosophy on guns means the military shouldn't use them at all.
John,
Again another satire piece that may very well become actual DOD policy under the current administration.
G-F
First thing I did - checked for Semmens’ byline;0
Let’s consider John’s premise - ever since smoking cigarettes in public places has been demonized and prohibited - men (and women) have felt repressed, angry, bossed around, belittled and treated as lepers. I believe smokers used to be over 50% of the population - a smelly, but happy group. Now, not so much. Even those who still smoke are ‘sent outside’ and treated as pariahs.
So we have a huge population of angry, nicotine deprived people who might snap at any moment. Beware - carry some smokes and a lighter - you could prevent a temper tantrum or nicotine nuclear explosion.
For a split second, I thought this was DuffelBlog.
Tobacco may be banned, but pot will not.
“Tobacco may be banned, but pot will not.”
Apparently neither will crack.
Bravo! You had me going for a minute. Tough days for satire these days but this sounded almost beyond the stupidity of the present administration. Almost.
Wow, ban smoking. Why not let the MILITARY carry guns? Smoking might be hazardous to your health, but I doubt soldiers don’t care about their health when they are in war.
Indeed. Thanks for the ping!
5.56mm
That don’t make no sense. Oh, hi John.
I started smoking in boot camp. I discovered that smokers went outside for a smoke with the Company Commander while the others cleaned the quarters.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.