Aliska, you gotta let this go... conversion is dying to oneself... if you put the past behind you and focus on Him and not what happened to you in the past or what your therapist told you (I wouldn't give a dime to a therapist when Confession is free and freeing - plus, what makes a therapist so much smarter than you and your common sense?) and focus on what He has done for us, you will slowly and surely forget about yourself! All of us have *crud* - it's the human condition - but someday we will go to our real home - which isn't here on earth. But you know that!
I hope and pray you go back to Mass. I'll say a rosary tonight for your intentions.