I think that's an unfair assertion. The doctrines of TULIP deal with the mechanics of the redemptive process from election through glorification. The doctrine is by no means in conflict with or incompatible with Jesus' words regarding love. These words would apply and are relevant whether you believe in the Calvinist election or the Arminian election. Paul's words are applicable...if we speak with the tongue of angels but have not love, we are just a resounding noise. Certainly it would do us all well to remember this. It's not our doctrine that saves us, it's our faith in the Risen Christ, and that should be manifest in our interaction with each other. Its absence does not necessarily indicate a lack of that faith, but it does show a need for improvement.
That being said, love does not necessarily mean being heavy on the saccarine.
Anyway, I think your assessment of Calvinism in relation to the Lord's commandments is not valid. Making such an assessment of Calvinists would be a different matter, but that goes both ways :)
I think it is valid to the extent that in my experience with Calvinism, the majority of those most concerned with the TULIP exclude the practice of the commandment.
It is not across the board. My boss is a Calvinist and a member of the church I used to attend. He is one of the most gentle and kind human beings I know. He's got his politics all screwed up, but that's a different story.
My best friend since college (best man in my wedding) is a Calvinist (and he survived in a Wesleyan college). We did manage to get his politics straightened out.
But if my opinions of Calvinism were based solely on my experiences here at FR...well...