So I have a choice of: [1] dropping dead - post #229; or [2] stop pretending to be what I am - post #284 ... and you will be a happy camper?
Have you ever considered the real problem might be itchy temple undergarments?
There is a product here in Lousiana that is great for rashes...
BOUDREAUX'S BUTT PASTE is indicated as a diaper rash ointment, but "It's not just for diaper rash anymore"
Abrasions, Heat Rashes, Poison Ivy, Acne, Hemorrhoids, Poison Oak, Chafed Skin, Incontinent Rashes, Psoriasis, Chapped Lips, Jock Itch, Razor Burn, Feminine Irritation, Minor Burns, Rectal Itching, Fever Blisters, Oral Lesions, Shingles, Mormon Whining.