[Irisshlass]

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately corrupt; who can understand it?" (Jer. 17:9).

[God is good]

This is true. The heart of every man is too wicked to ever merit to grace of God. Only through the finished work of Jesus Christ can we share in the fellowship of God.

You seem to spent much time in the Word of God. The Word of God will not return void, Irisshlass. Go to the Word and pray to the God of Heaven to give you wisdom of the Holy Spirit to understand what He wants you to. I will pray for you that God will bring to your mind the understandings of His will.