“Remember Jerry, if you believe it, it’s not a lie’.
Norm MacDonald, on not lying (edited):
I thought of a way of not lying, and Ill Ill share it with you, if you like? You can tell the truth, word for word, absolutely true, but when you do it You use a sarcastic accent. So Ill give you an example.
Your wife goes, Hey, I noticed at dinner you were looking at my sister. Youre Youre not attracted to my sister, are you? And then you go, Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you, Im attracted to your sister. Shes like, All right, Henry. Never mind. You go, No. Why? Its true. I Hey, the only reason I married you is your sister, right? Shes like, No, I shouldnt have brought it up. No! Why wouldnt you bring it up? I mean, youre the victim in this whole thing. I remember at the vows, I kept thinking, I am going to seduce every member of my wifes family. Then, afterwards, Im going to invite them over to the house and set it on fire, killing them all. And then Im going to move on to the next town, where I do it again. Its like, All right, Henry. We dont need to hear it. You dont have to be like this.
Why? Why? Youre the good person in this scenario. Im the guy that goes from town to town seducing and murdering entire families And leaving conflagrations of ashes that used to be human beings. Im the most savage and prolific serial killer that ever was and Ive just never been found out yet, thats all.
Just go to sleep.
Yeah, Ill go to sleep, or maybe Ill buy kerosene all night.
So, thats just an example. You dont have to do that one. Im just Im just saying, thats all.