“Paul makes it very clear in 1 Timothy that deacons are to be men.”
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So you got Paul v. Paul - commending a woman as deacon in Romans and, in your view, denouncing the very idea of such a thing elsewhere.
But, at any rate, when it’s all said and done, whatever a denomination wants to go with is the bottom line (for them).
It’s as it is with the question of clergy and marriage - Catholics forbid their ministers to marry while another denomination might be wary of appointing a minister who’s not married.
And both sides of that coin could justify their druthers on the topic by using Scripture.
For the record, Catholics do not forbid ministers ("people in ministries") to marry.
But throughout the Catholic Church, East and West, men in Holy Orders, once they are ordained, are vowed to celibacy and may not marry unless they are laicized/dispensed from their vows.
Married men, however, can be ordained priest or deacon in any of the 21 Eastern Catholic Churches, except for the Western (Latin) Churche.
And the Western Church does allow married men to become deacons, which means our deacons can be married men when they are ordained. They are married clergy. They receive Holy Orders.
I know this is a little baffling, but it's a matter of who and when.
Married man --can become -----> deacon or priest? Yes
Deacon/priest ---can become ---- married? No.
I trust I have made myself sufficiently obscure?
Maybe somebody with a better-organized mind can express this more clearly.