Posted on 08/31/2015 11:26:42 AM PDT by xzins
In my opinion, only God can truly answer this question. Spouses are encouraged to spend extended time in the Word and obedience to it, as well as extended times of prayer and fasting, and seeking godly counsel. All destructive relationships and toxic counsel must be severed as you seek to answer this question.
Many great bible teachers are divided on this issue. Some believe that remarriage to another is never allowed unless one of the spouses dies, but others suggest that it is permissible when adultery and abandonment occur. Much of the controversy centers on Matthew 5:32 where Jesus says, "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
Remarriage is not the issue here; manipulation and abandonment are. I appreciate the words of J. Nolland on this point: "The normal understanding of Mt. 5:32b runs the danger of leaving the woman involved a double victim: she has been divorced by a husband who may well have rejected her at his own whim and is now to be barred from any new relationship because she bears the stigma of the 'divorcee'.
Matthew 5:32 has a twofold warning: 1) Do not divorce without cause. 2) Do not pursue a relationship with someone who has abandoned their spouse. Unfortunately, many add, "If you've experienced divorce, you cannot remarry—period." Not only does the text not say this, this statement actually condemns someone for the actions of another: Forbidding remarriage because of the actions of the previous spouse.
One thing is certain, if the Scriptures on marriage and divorce were fully taught and acknowledged, it would create more serious consideration before marriage, and would be a great deterrent to divorce. Lack of regard for the Scriptures has taken us to the other extreme—no fault divorce.
I believe that God hates divorce; reconciliation is pleasing to Him. There are instances, in my opinion, when one is released through adultery and/or abandonment; however, reconciliation should still be sought. First and foremost, God's will is that we walk in integrity, follow His principles, use wisdom, be patient, and seek Him during the journey. For some, reconciliation may result, for others it may not.
When reconciliation does not occur, the enemy often resurrects past failures to hinder peace and joy. We become very fearful ... we do not want to experience the pain of divorce again.
If you are separated, or recently divorced, and are lacking peace and joy, I encourage you to rethink your current situation. Confusion, anxiety, fear and some forms of depression are sometimes indicators that we are outside of God's will. (Please note the word "sometimes".) One of the biggest obstacles when considering restoration or seeking direction is becoming involved with someone soon after you divorce or separate. This can severely hinder your chance for reconciliation, as well as your ability to follow God's lead. Avoid this at all costs.
God has given us the freedom to choose, and, in marriage, the choices of one will affect the life of the other. If your spouse has left, and you've waited and have done all that you can do biblically, I believe that God will consider your heart more than your circumstances. King David was not able to build the temple because of his past—he was a man of war, but God said, "Whereas it was in your heart to build a temple for My name, you did well in that it was in your heart" (2 Chronicles 6:8). Contextually, this verse is not dealing with marriage, but the overlapping principle applies: Because David's heart was right, God continued to direct him.
Many often thank the Lord for using divorce to bring them back to Him. I don't believe that God causes divorce, but He does use it to bring the prodigal son home. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin; rejecting Christ is.
Clearly understand that I'm not advocating divorce, nor am I saying that if you are currently separated that divorce become an option because better opportunities await you. God hates divorce and anyone who has been there knows why.
I must reiterate: I believe, first and foremost, in reconciliation and restoration but these are not always options. That's why a personal relationship with Jesus and obedience to God's Word is profoundly important. Through that relationship you will be able to make the right decision. It won't be easy because lives have been damaged, dreams destroyed, and promises broken, but God continually redeems us through His forgiveness as we forgive others. God desires that we know His will and follow His lead, especially during the detours of life.
Many divorced Christians carry years of regret into future relationships. If God is doing a new thing, it's vitally important that past brokenness does not prevent future plans. But if God is ministering restoration in your spirit, wait for it; contend for it; pray fervently for it. I also encourage you to remove everything that may hinder restoration (e.g., wrong relationships, strongholds, addictions, anger, u-forgiveness, bitterness, etc.), and seek Him wholeheartedly and unconditionally. He will direct you ... this I know.
Physical abuse
Emotional abuse
Infidelity
Desertion
Failure to support
I’m not a Bible scholar by any means. But I would think that any Biblical standards in this area would apply to the “guilty” spouse; the spouse who cheated or abandoned the other.
Whereas it would seem to me that restrictions on remarriage or any other sanction would not apply against the “innocent” spouse who was cheated on or abandoned.
I think He already did... "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
I think He already did... “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
________________________
If God DID join them together. This is not always the case, I suspect.
Yes
What part of “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” is unclear?
Many of those can be understood very loosely.
For instance, I know of a woman who has been married a number of times who has claimed “Emotional abuse” every time. She has committed adultery (while legally married) for at least one of the marriages, also siting “emotional abuse”. For her it means “I want someone new”.
It is a hard teaching, but there is a reason the view used to truly be “Till death do us part”. Does it mean pain? At times. Does it mean you find yourself on the outside without trying? Possibly. That is where a good pastoral group has to step in. To often it is a free for all, and the kids suffer.
The four A’s-
Adultery
Abuse
Abandonment
Addiction
>> If God DID join them together. This is not always the case, I suspect. <<
Ahh, that’s what an annulment is: the Church’s inference that God did NOT join them together.
“In my opinion, only God can truly answer this question.”
He did: “He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Matt. 19:8-9.
There’s a reason the Holy Spirit preserved that particular statement of God the Son. Parse, ignore it, read things into, dismiss it as an anachronism contrary to “the felt necessities of our time”, etc., at your own peril.
>> The four A’s-
Adultery
Abuse
Abandonment
Addiction <<
So if you come home and find your spouse sneaking cigarettes, you can divorce them? Sorry, but all concupiscence is addiction. It doesn’t absolve spouses from the need to be forgiving. Likewise, one person’s foibles are another person’s abuse; notions like “emotionally abusive” are far too vague. Unless the adultery, abuse or addiction are so severe that they impair the union (i.e., physical abuse, unrepentant or continuing adultery, drug addiction so severe it destroys the security of the marriage, etc.), you can’t simply say, “Hey, your spouse disqualified the marriage on this grounds! Bye Bye!”
It is a matter of integrity and honesty for everyone. But if you know this lady you mention is lying, then God knows too. And He’s the one she should be concerned with.
In the meantime, there is real emotional abuse, and real physical abuse, and real infidelity, and real desertion, and real refusal to support.
Just because someone claims it doesn’t make it so, but we’ve all seen the real stuff, too.
I agree it really happens. I have seen the effects in my family with a cousin. She ended up divorced, after her then husband cheated on her.
But I am much more of a cynic these days.
Well said.
There are lots of people with lots of different rules about marriage and divorce. Just another opportunity to find out whose disciples they really are.
Great points Dangus!
They mirror my concerns also. Many LCMS parishes I have been to have pretty strict guidelines on remarriage in the church (By the pastor). Some of the more “urban” ones do not.
But there needs to be a more defined standard. I have seen to many play the “He/she was X” card, when it was “I wanted someone new”.
But the real ones who suffer are the kids. In annulment cases (like a family member went through), often times there is one party who does not want it, and feels like it says their children are now bastards.
Divorce is a huge issue, and one the Church as a whole runs from. Even the Catholics hand out annulments way to often. Most priests/pastors do not have much in the way of premarriage prep, and those that do are often attacked by the couples and their parents for being to “strict”.
We need to focus on the stuff before the marriage. To many walk into it without understanding that love is a choice, nobody’s perfect, and it takes a lot of work together to make a good marriage. Most don’t even know what love really is.
The four ‘A’s’ as I have been taught them...
Adultery
Abuse
Abandonment
Apostasy
Divorce was allowed by Moses.
Hard to argue with that plain language.
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