I understand brother, I also have found out what God says in His Promise that once we are born from above, we cannot fall far enough for Him to not be able to reach us. I’m the prodigal son ...
/8^)
I had an opportunity to be prodigal for my mother, but my father died the year I was saved ... which, btw, had a part in my getting saved
OK ... more to the story
(I told you I had synopsized greatly)
My father died in '81 and it was at his wake that I sat and asked, staring at the casket ... "Where did you go?"
I'd always been a little more cerebral than my brothers
Having been raised Catholic, I "knew" there was a 33% chance he was in heaven but a 66% chance he wasn't ... which I thought was lousy odds
After the burial, I returned to where I was living and vacilated between staying drunk, getting high and finding loose women
Some time previously I had struck up a relationship with "Jude", one of those hip priests that 'pastored' a "Newman Center" in a college town
One night we were discussing stuff (he was Jesuit, so an educated and intellectual guy ... I liked him .... ) and I asked about my father
I don't remember the exact flow of the conversation, but it was enjoyable, and I came away with, "Well, I don't know and nobody CAN know because no one's ever come back from the dead to tell us" ....
which I bought
After all ... he was Jude ... a cool priest
Acouple of months later I was at a party and righteously stoned ... no lady seemed to be interested in me, so I started my crash ... losing consciousness on a couch .......
When it hit me
Jude didn't know where my father was ..
I didn't know where my father was ..
He was no closer to God than ME ....
WHAT in the WORLD was I going to HIM for?
At the moment, Catholicism ceased to be a religion and a politic and I went searching ....
NOW I commit felonies, and pick up in the aforementioned section
Critical amusement regarding my testimony ... I was 33 when my father died
Jesus was 33 when the Son died
I've preached that a couple of times, but it gets too twisty for the average listener.