Why I'm Catholic: Ex-London Gangster, John Pridmore, Returns to the Faith

Aleteia ^ | March 25, 2015 | JOHN PRIDMORE

[NYer]

My name is John Pridmore and this is my story.

I was born in the East End of London at the Salvation Army Hospital. Though I was baptised as a Catholic I never went to a Catholic school or to church. At the age of ten I came home on a normal night and my parents told me I had to choose who I wanted to live with because they were getting divorced. I loved my parents so much and I couldn’t choose because the two people I loved the most had just crushed me. It was then that deep down inside I made a choice not to love anymore because I thought if I don’t love I won’t get hurt.
 

After my parents split up I started stealing, I think I wanted someone to take notice of the pain that I was in, but because my dad was a policeman it just added to the beatings. At 15 I was in a detention centre which was meant to be a ‘short, sharp, shock’ but it was there that my anger continued to grow and I was always getting into fights.

I left school at this same age and the only qualification I had was stealing, so that is what I did. Since I had no love in my life I took the painkillers to go along with that, drinking and drugs anything I could find to kill the pain within. At 19 I was in prison again and the way I dealt with all of the anger that was within me was by lashing out and fighting. I was put on 24 hour solitary confinement and it was during this time that I considered taking God’s greatest gift, my own life. But God must have been there because I did not take my own life, but I came out of the prison more bitter and violent than ever.
I thought what I want from this world, I have to take because no one gives you anything. I started working as a bouncer around the East-End and West-End clubs in London; I thought I liked fighting so I might as well get paid for it. It was there that I met some of the guys who ran most of the organised crime in London, so I started working for them. Not long after this, I stopped working for them and I began to work with them. I lived the classic gangster lifestyle with plenty of money, drugs and women. I had a penthouse flat in St. John’s Wood, a 7 series BMW, Sport Mercedes Convertible and I couldn’t spend the money I got fast enough because from the protection rackets and drug dealing cash kept pouring in. My designer leather Jacket had a sewn in inside pocket so I could have a machete with me for when I went to collect debts and punish those who failed to pay.

I truly believed what the world told me was true, that having all of the possessions, relationships and drugs would make me happy, but I felt sick inside because this life was slowly destroying me. Nothing satisfied me, nothing fulfilled me. At the same time, I was trying to destroy my conscience because with the people I was involved in the more vicious and brutal you could be the more respect you got and I wanted that respect. I wanted people to walk into a club and when people saw me they would know who I was and what I was involved in.

One night I was working at one of the clubs we ran in the West-End and I hit this guy with my knuckleduster, but when I hit him he fell straight back and smashed his head on the curb. I could see blood everywhere and people around started screaming, so I left the scene and I remember being in my car on the way home thinking, ‘I could get ten years for this.’ Slowly it came to me that I might have just killed someone and I don’t even care. I used to care I used to want to make a difference but here I was just taking and destroying everyone around me. The only person I cared about was myself and I didn’t think that would ever change.

I came home and I heard a voice speaking to me in my heart, it is a voice we all know, our conscience, God within us. Up to his point, I felt God was just a nice little story to keep us from being bad, but now I was faced with the fact that God was real and it didn’t matter what I thought.

Though I was never aware of God’s love or presence in my life up to this point, in one moment I felt Him withdraw Himself from me. People say that separation from God is hell, well if that was hell I pray that no one ever goes there because it was the most terrifying experience in my life. I had people put guns to my head, I had been stabbed but this was terrifying because I was fully aware of the choices I had made. I cried out to God for another chance not because I was sorry, but because I did not want to stay in the desolation I was experiencing. Right then I felt lifted up, I walked out of my flat and said the first prayer I had ever said in my life. I said, ‘Up to now all I have done is taken from you God, now I want to give.’ As I said that prayer that emptiness within my heart which the drugs, power and relationships could not satisfy was filled with the love of God. I could not believe God could love someone like me with all the terrible things I had done, but He kept showing me that He loved me and accepted me. All throughout my life I had felt useless and it didn’t matter if I lived or died, but God showed me that it did matter because He loved me and created me.

The only person I knew who had a faith was my mom, I didn’t see a lot of her in those days, but I went round to her and told her what had happened. She told me she had prayed for me every day of my life, but two weeks before this she had prayed to let Jesus take me. If that meant let me die then to let me die, just don’t let me hurt myself or anyone else anymore. I know how much my mom loves me and for her to pray that prayer must have broke her heart but she could see the monster I was becoming; I will never forget the tears rolling down her face as I told her how I had found God.
Those tears probably washed away all the pain and misery I had caused her in her life. My step-dad gave me my first Bible, I had never had one before and one of the first stories I read in it was the Prodigal Son. How a father gave his two sons his whole livelihood and property and one of them went and squandered all his Father’s money on a life of sin and debauchery. After he spent it all and because he was starving, he thought to himself. ‘How many of my father’s servants have all they want to eat and more and here I am starving for food.’ He decides to go back to his father and to ask him to take him into his home as a slave. But as he is walking to his Father’s house, his Father is out searching for him and when he sees him he runs up to embrace him, placing a ring on his finger, sandals on his feet, clothing him with the finest cloak and sets a feast for him and his friends. He would always be His son and came back to the family where he was always loved, even after years in the wilderness.

He was there I saw in that story how God was always out looking for me and He never tired of searching or trying to fix my heart which had been broken by life. Since I had never gone to church I started looking for a place to meet God and I met an old priest who told me about a retreat. Now the only retreats I knew about involved lying on a beach, a Bacardi Breezer, joint and a nice bird so I said, “I’d love to come.” When I got there it wasn’t like I had imagined but I saw about 200 young people who had a joy I had never seen before. Some of them came up and hugged me, well I don’t know if you know any ex-gangster’s, but we’re not into all that hugging business, I mean for girls it was fine but the guys please, you don’t hug other men around our way, you’d get slapped.

It was then that I heard a talk and it was called ‘Give me your wounded heart’ and as I heard this priest speaking how every sin we commit is like a wound on our heart I was looking at a crucifix and for the first time I knew why Jesus died on that cross, because the darkest most terrible sins I had ever committed in my life he gladly carried in His heart to that crucifixion. And I felt an incredible sorrow for what I had done, but more than that sorrow was this incredible joy, I felt Jesus saying to me ‘John I love you so much I would go through this all again just for you. I started crying, I cried for the first time since I was ten because I couldn’t believe that anyone could love me so much as to die for me in that agony. I walked out of that talk and said a prayer to Mary the mother of Jesus, and I just said ‘What is it your Son wants me to do?’ I felt a whisper in my heart, go to confession. I had never been to confession before and I was 27 and I know I had committed every sin there was possible to commit and I was afraid. But Mary gave me the courage. And as I was confessing all of those most terrible sins, the priest was crying because he was Jesus to me. He was showing me the mercy of God, which I could feel in my heart. When I received absolution I knew it was Jesus forgiving me and setting me free. All my sins had been tipped out at the foot of the cross and I was alive again, I could feel the wind on my face, I could hear the birds singing. My sins had killed me but confession had brought me back to life.

Along with meeting Jesus through confession I received Him into my heart during the mass at that same retreat. When I went forward and received Holy Communion, every good feeling I had ever had in my life, including how I felt when I walked out of that flat, including how I felt after confession, was magnified a million times. My heart had been opened in confession to feel and know His presence in the Eucharist and it fulfilled my heart completely. 

When I left that retreat I wanted to help others so I began working on Kingsmeade Estate in London trying to help young kids stay away from the life of crime and pain that I had chosen. A few years later, I went to the Bronx and it was there that I met Mother Teresa, she taught me how to love again, to love myself and others. She inspired me to give and since then I have been sharing my story in schools, parishes and prisons around the U.K. and Ireland. In 2007, at World Youth Day in Sydney I had the privilege to speak to more than half a million young people and the greatest gift in my life is to share with them that there is a God who loves them, who cherishes them and rejoices in them. Since that talk in Sydney my ministry has become more and more international. I have given retreats, talks and seminars in New Zealand, Australia, America (New York, Florida, Chicago, Phoenix and Los Angeles) Germany, Holland, Hong Kong and all across the world. The other year I went to Liberia to speak to former children soldiers about forgiveness. Some of these boys had been forced to commit atrocities and were forced into combat as young as 11 years old in the bloody civil war that raged in Liberia for over a decade. It was a honour and a privilege to be amongst them and see the incredible resilience they had to try and choose good in a life which has been so shrouded in darkness.

For the past 17 years I have worked full-time to bring hope to others and show them that if God can love someone like me he can love anyone. May God bless you in His deep love,

John

[Biggirl]

My final answer is NO.

Let us AGREE to NOT AGREE.

[ealgeone]

>"Ah yes....the catholic cart blanch card...if it's not in the Word, then it must be ok!"<

"Carte blanche"? Hardly. There is a huge difference between the above quote and the idea that God and our Salvation history are limited to literal, sometimes word-by word, often self-interpretation of Scripture. Again, often a rejected verse in these discussions, John the Evangelist himself said that not everything Jesus did could ever be written.

Again, Catholic in lower case, "Book of Mormon" and Koran on caps...

Yes....catholics run to John 20:30 yet ignore 31.

30Many other signs therefore Jesus also performed in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book;

31but these have been written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in His name.

Please due notice the limitation though of v30.....signs Jesus did in the presence of the disciples. This greatly narrows down the time period we're talking about.

Catholics will also run to John 21:25 for the same reason. No doubt the life of Jesus, which is eternal, would be very, very, expansive. None doubt that.

However we have the Word of God to show us the path to salvation. How to have a forgiveness and a relationship with God on an eternal basis.

If the Bible is not the standard by which we measure truth, as we are told to search the Scriptures, then any source could be claimed as truth. Hence the reference to the Koran, Book of Mormon, Aunt Mary had a vision, etc.

My point is that the roman catholic church has had opportunites over the years to "canonize" additional books to the Bible that cover some of the aspects of Mary but they have not. And there's a reason they haven't.

[ealgeone]

>Temper, temper, temper.

When the facts are against you verga, the name calling comes out!<

Mind reading is against the rules. BTW if you used the dictionary, you would realize that Palaver is not name calling

I'm not mind reading at all....just reading your mindless postings!

[verga]

I'm not mind reading at all....just reading your mindless postings!

Please have someone that speaks English understand them for you, because you are not.

[Tao Yin]

Paul never asked Mary what to do....nor did Peter, James, Luke, Matthew, Timothy, Stephen, etc, etc, etc.

How do you know? Seriously how do you know? And before you make the stock prot answer of: "The Bible never mentions....." There is a lot things the Bible never mentions, Like how many pairs of Sandals did Paul have? What color were Peter's eyes? How tall was Stephen? etc...

Exactly the point. "These things are written so that you might believe." Sandals, eye color, height: not important so it wasn't mentioned. The apostles asking Mary for advice or to pray for them? Either it never happened or it wasn't important enough to mention. We are supposed to pray for one another. That's important and that is written.

[Paddyboy]

I saw this guy on “The Journey Home” on EWTN..he looks like a tough nut,which only made his story all the more compelling

[verga]

We are supposed to pray for one another.

So your position is that the apostles never would have asked Mary to intercede for them during her life time either?

Yeah tat makes a lot of sense./SARC

[georgia peach]

I don’t think that God is confined to the words of the Bible.Does the Bible say that I was going to have a dream of Mary in which she gave me an instruction? No, but it happened.He works and has worked throughout history in ways that he chooses.
Confession healed that man because in confession he met and was forgiven by Jesus.You seem to not understand Catholic beliefs at all.
May Christ bless you this day.

[ealgeone]

You seem to not understand Catholic beliefs at all.

You're right....I don't understand catholic beliefs but from what I've learned they are in conflict with the Word on more than one occasion....and to be honest it appears from this board a lot of catholics don't understand what they believe either.

I do understand Christianity however.

When God speaks to us He usually does so through His Holy Spirit, His Word, or an angel.

We have no evidence of Mary in the NT being used the way catholics claim.

I agree God can operate anyway He wants to. The Bible is not intended to cover every little detail of the life of Christ. John makes that clear in his Gospel.

However, He has given us His Word as a rod to measure truth against. The Word's primary purpose is to point us to Christ.....not Mary.

John said it best....these things have been written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing you may have life in His name (John 20:31 NASB).

[Grateful2God]

Are you a fan of e.e.cummings?🌲

I'm a Catholic of the Roman Rite. I chose after a long and painful process, to come back to the Church. I believe what she teaches and what she has taught throughout the centuries. Why would I cast aside the wisdom of centuries of minds, hearts, and souls who have done the interpreting for me, to go off on my own, with a truncated version of my Bible, and abandon all that the Catholic Church has to offer? I don't have the audacity to delude myself. I did once. Thought I knew it all. I left and my life was empty because I thought I knew it all and yet found nothing.

Scripture, Sacred Tradition, and the Magisterium of the Church present the fullest picture. If you choose the Bible only, that's up to you. Just please don't make the assumption that you know what we're all about. It's a lifelong journey and process.

As for the deuterocanonical books, such as the Protoevangelium of James, they are part of our Sacred Tradition. Not all, not all the pseudoepigraphia, and none of the gnostic gospels. It's a matter of validity, commonality, and other factors for greater minds and hearts than my own. No, not part of the Canon. We did not add them to it. We also did not remove Scripture from the Canon. Read the Apocrypha sometime. 1 Maccabees especially. Then think of the Christians being persecuted, burned, decapitated today. It makes the arguments between Christians in the West seem so petty and foolish, when the Judeo-Christian tradition on which our nation was built is falling apart. Who is to say when the West will be next? We need each other. And we need to stop looking at one another as enemies.

Returning to the article, hey, if the man left the life he'd been living, I'd be happy for him, whatever denomination he chose. The CCC says:

The Second Vatican Council speaks of salvation outside the Church in Lumen Gentium, nos. 14 and 16. Here are the pertinent sections from those two articles: 14. This Sacred Council wishes to turn its attention firstly to the Catholic faithful. Basing itself upon Sacred Scripture and Tradition, it teaches that the Church, now sojourning on earth as an exile, is necessary for salvation. Christ, present to us in His Body, which is the Church, is the one Mediator and the unique way of salvation. In explicit terms He Himself affirmed the necessity of faith and baptism (cf. Mk 16:16; Jn 3:5) and thereby affirmed also the necessity of the Church, for through baptism as through a door men enter the Church. Whosoever, therefore, knowing that the Catholic Church was made necessary by Christ, would refuse to enter or to remain in it, could not be saved. [. . .] 16. [. . .] Those also can attain to salvation who through no fault of their own do not know the Gospel of Christ or His Church, yet sincerely seek God and moved by grace strive by their deeds to do His will as it is known to them through the dictates of conscience. Nor does Divine Providence deny the helps necessary for salvation to those who, without blame on their part, have not yet arrived at an explicit knowledge of God and with His grace strive to live a good life. Whatever good or truth is found amongst them is looked upon by the Church as a preparation for the Gospel. She knows that it is given by Him who enlightens all men so that they may finally have life.

[georgia peach]

I enjoyed what you wrote very much and I agree with most of it.If Mary, who has come to me in a vision and dreams, isn't pointing to Christ then it isn't Mary.And the angels point to Christ.Our church has a statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe to the side and a huge wooden cross behind the altar.You have to raise your eyes to see it properly,in adoration.
I think God can use all the things of this world and the next to show us His Love, including nature.That has been my experience.And why would we limit what He can do because it isn't specifically mentioned in the NT?To me that is limiting a God who I believe will use anything to show His Love.And being open to that kind of God gives me great joy.

[Grateful2God]

>>>Paul never asked Mary what to do....nor did Peter, James, Luke, Matthew, Timothy, Stephen, etc, etc, etc.<<

<<<<<"The Bible never mentions.....">>>>>

IMHO part of the problem in forum is that dealing in absolutes can ruin the validity of a statement.
Saying that the Bible does not mention a situation is a more accurate, especially noting different versions and content of the Bible.

Saying something never happened because it was not in the Bible denies the humanity of the people in it. It also at times defies common sense. These were real people who lived and interacted with one another. They shared a common experience that no one can fully comprehend unless they lived it.

An example closer to our time would be what once was called, The Great War" as there had been nothing like it before. We can read about World War I, but can we or anyone else today have any idea what it was like at home? In the trenches? On the fields? There's no one around today to tell us, either. All we have is a small portion handed down for scholars to argue over. But these were human beings, living through one of the greatest tragedies of all time. Appreciating context, reliability of source, those who lived closer to the time, who were more likely to have a clearer picture than people today all contribute to a fuller understanding on a human level.

Isn't that fuller understanding what we all look for when we seek God- especially a God Who took our human nature as His Own?

[Grateful2God]

"I do understand Christianity however."

That's quite a statement to make, as scholars of all denominations continue to debate the meaning of Scriptural passages and, hopefully, their application to one's daily life.

Even the Catholic Church admits that, while it has the greatest deposit of faith, that no one can comprehend God completely in this life, or the next. The creature cannot be greater than the One Who created all things. God is infinite in majesty, in power, in all virtue, in love, for He is Love Itself.

[verga]

Actually protestants do understand god. They have remade him in their own image and his will is bent towards theirs. It is the rest of us that do not understand God, the Creator of the universe Ex-Nihlo. He is to great to be understood by our puny brains. And I am grateful to have a God that is to far above me to understand fully.

[Grateful2God]

When I get scared, I like to read Job, 38. It puts things in perspective for me, and makes me remember that there is a wonderful, almighty, omniscient God Who is watching over me. I can't see His whole plan, but what a comfort- most always my only comfort, is in Him. The world can be a terrifying place, but I know I must trust in God. Those verses remind me of that...

God bless you!

[ealgeone]

"I do understand Christianity however."

That's quite a statement to make, as scholars of all denominations continue to debate the meaning of Scriptural passages and, hopefully, their application to one's daily life.

Christianity is about believing/following Jesus. It's not that complicated if the texts are read.

Do I claim to know more than God? Nope. no way. not even close.

BTW....the catholic church does not have the greatest deposit of faith. Please....the arrogance of catholicism again.

Christians are all filled with the same Holy Spirit. We do have different gifts so we can accomplish what God wants.

[Grateful2God]

>>Christianity is about believing/following Jesus. It's not that complicated if the texts are read.<<
Texts require proper interpretation and application to one's daily life.

---

>>BTW....the catholic church does not have the greatest deposit of faith. <<
Yup. It does. All faiths have it to some extent. No one, neither church nor individual, has it all, because God is infinite.

---

>>Please....the arrogance of catholicism again.<<
Simple truth. Arrogance would be thinking we could all do it on our own.

---

>>Christians are all filled with the same Holy Spirit. We do have different gifts so we can accomplish what God wants.<<
Catholics are Christians. Each person has the Spirit to a different degree. And yes, each has a role to fulfill in this life.
On the premise that we are filled with the same Spirit, would it not follow that we should treat one another with respect, whatever our differences, lest we grieve the Holy Spirit?

[caww]

.......Let us AGREE to NOT AGREE”....

Let’s not...let’s carry this out...present your own opinion of how you see the Bible and the purpose for which God protected it for centuries..... After all is it not more significant that despite all the attacks against it...including that from the catholic church and the popes...’He has’ preserved His words to us throughout the ages?

[ealgeone]

On the premise that we are filled with the same Spirit, would it not follow that we should treat one another with respect, whatever our differences, lest we grieve the Holy Spirit?

Catholics misconstrue the correction of false doctrine as not respecting catholicism.

Paul was ready and willing to correct false teaching.

However, I do agree the tone and manner can be improved by all. Problem with electronic media is we can't, at least for the most part, determine tone correctly.

[ealgeone]

>>Christianity is about believing/following Jesus. It's not that complicated if the texts are read.<<

Texts require proper interpretation and application to one's daily life.

Then the catholic church needs to put out a commentary on the proper interpretation and application on ALL verses.

To date, some 1700 years later, they have not.