Okay the first one is obviously satire, but are we positive that the Benny Hinn bit isn’t real? I mean we all remember the enema Suzanne had on TV right?
LOL! Yes, I'm positive, if only because of one tiny detail. Excuse me while I go into ubergeek mode....
He told me that there is a planet a few dozen light years - that's the distance light travels in one year, that's a light year, and it's a long way. He said this planet, and he gave me the name, Zeta Reticuli....Jesus said, 'I am going to send you there, and you are going to preach my glory.' I asked the Lord, how I was going to go there, and he said, 'Those space ships in Texas that people have been seeing, they're coming for you.'"
"Zeta 2 Reticuli" was the name given for the planet in Alien, before it was rechristened "LV-426" in the sequel. So if that's where Jesus is promising to send Benny Hinn to preach, that's not good news for Benny :)