I've thought that too. So much sadness, tragedy and despair. Until you are right with the Lord then you pass from this life to the next. You sound like me. I left the Catholic Church and after going to a Promise Keepers gathering started coming back to the Lord.
It's taken over 14 years and the realization of my mortality to bring me fully back to the Catholic Church. My first confession in over 28 years brought tears to my eyes. I can only describe it as if a blanket had been taken off of me. When I can , I go to mass during the week at 0700 and confession once a week. I've started praying the rosary and remembering what my father said about the Catholic church I learned to hate. That men are weak and fallible but the Church is trying to guide you back to the truth and love of the Lord our savior.
To this day I'm still not fully comfortable at Sunday service but the simpler daily mass suits me well. I didn't realize all the singing, hand holding and hand gestures that have been added to the mass in 3 decades.
Peace brother and I hope your journey back has brought you comfort and peace of mind. Your brother in Christ.......
I did not return to the Catholic church, but I am surely saved and redeemed by the blood of Jesus. If you ever get out to North Texas, look me up and you can come to my church on Sunday, if you are not opposed to taking a walk on the Pentecostal wild side.
There are very few people that would get uncomfortable at our church, unless you come on one of those weird mornings when the Holy Spirit shows up! (Which is actually pretty much awesome.) If that does not happen, I will look you up when we are gathered His throne, bro.