"I believe." Probably one of the most beautiful, yet controversial statements a human being can make, isn't it? Don't let it get you down! Faith is a lifelong journey: seek with all your heart, and you'll find the path God wishes you to follow!
The journey you speak of has many twists and turns and sometimes the events, sights and sounds along the way are depressing and painful, even beyond painful.
It used to really get to me, but I've been through enough these last few to have a better attitude and understanding about how things are and why, Who is in charge and who is running interference.
The view of the game is better from here than from where I used to sit, which is a helpful change in these interesting times.
No worries. Now I've got trust.