Speaking from personal experience here.
We were on the brink. We went to counseling. One of the exercises was to write out the top five things that you valued in your marriage—what you were willing to work for.
We did them apart and brought them to the next meeting.
All five were the same. We had the order of #4 and #5 switched.
I got goose bumps and teary eyes. The counselor said that the score was usually three out of five. Almost never five for five.
After that moment everything started getting better.
We get so busy and drawn apart. The grass starts looking better EVERYWHERE else. But, I doubt I was ever going to find anyone who could give me, or me them, 5 out of 5.
And tomorrow is 28 years for us.
I used to say 28 years, 25 of the best years of my life.
But that is a lie. Even in the bad ones I learned important lessons. And, boy...I don’t want to learn them again!
When my wife (20+ years) and I first started getting serious, we both filled out a 3 x 5 card. On one side, we wrote down three things we wanted to keep control over and the other side, three things we wanted the other to give away, i.e. what we wanted the other to take over.
One of the things I wanted to “give away” was doing the bills. I hate doing the bills and balancing the checkbook. It drives my stress level to the point of anger. My wife took over the bills and I have thanked her every week since.