“You ARE the OP.”
I described the behavior you are exhibiting in detail in the OP, good of you two to pop by with a demonstration of what I was talking about. That’s about as clear as I can make it.
But you have answered my question.
“But you have answered my question.”
You are asking the wrong question then.
Whining and excuses. That’s what you exude. It’s no wonder you congregation doesn’t respect you.
If you weren’t so insecure you’d realize that I’ve given you the path to fix your problem. It’s hard and it takes being able to take responsibility. You don’t seem to have the fortitude to do either, based on your post and your responses.
A leader has to have a little thicker skin than you have demonstrated. Your reflex to turn personal failings into “hate” on the part of others will not serve you well in ministry - or in life for that matter.
It will be a reoccurring theme in your life until you are old enough and mature enough to accept that you are the problem. Only then will you be able to be an effective leader.