I will consider it. I will pray and I will stumble around.
These replies to me have really given my a reason to think.
Thank you for your story and kind words. If I start to find my way and return to the church please know that it was you and the others that helped me. I'm sure that the Lord and I appreciate your gentle hand in suggesting and not berating me.
If you do nothing else, focus on our Lord's message to St. Faustina. Faustinas mission consisted in: reminding the world of Gods merciful love towards every human being, even the greatest sinner. Faustinas mission to spread the message of Divine Mercy began on February 22, 1931. Having appeared to her in a vision, Christ commissioned her to paint an image of Him with red and pale rays radiating from His heart. The image was to bear the subscription: Jesus, I trust in You!
Jesus said to St. Faustina: Let no sinner be afraid to approach Me." "I shall protect them Myself at the hour of death, as My own glory. And even if the sins of the soul are as dark as night, when the sinner turns to My mercy, he renders Me the greatest praise, and becomes the glory of My Passion. When a soul praises My goodness, Satan trembles before it and flees to the very bottom of hell"
Christ is always knocking at the door of our hearts to remind us that if we have recourse to His Divine Mercy, He will free our souls from evil, restore our ability to love and purify our intentions. Sin is our greatest tragedy since it leads us into the horrible reality of death and eternal condemnation. Trusting in Jesus, praying to Him, relying on Him this is our one avenue of salvation. Jesus assures us that His wounded heart will not abandon us in the hour of death. It is never too late to renounce evil and start walking in the path of salvation. Having chosen Faustina, a simple, uneducated nun, who trusted Him boundlessly, Christ assigned her the critically important task of proclaiming His Merciful Love to the world: "Today Jesus told her I am sending you with My mercy to the people of the whole world. It is not my desire to punish hurting mankind, but to heal it, press it to My merciful Heart (Diary, 1588). You are the secretary of My mercy. I have chosen you for that office in this and the next life (Diary, 1605) (...) to make known to souls the great mercy that I have in store for them, and to exhort them to trust in the bottomless depth of My mercy" (Diary, 1567).
Whenever I feel depressed or bitter and angry at a world that has grown indifferent, I focus on that image and our Lord's message: "Jesus, I trust in you!". Our Lord also told St. Faustina: "I am Love and Mercy itself. When a soul approaches Me with trust, I fill it with such an abundance of graces that it cannot contain them within itself, but radiates them to other souls" (1074).