I pray that God forgives me and finds me worthy to somehow join him but the RC isn't really anything special to me other than a place where I am familiar with the ceremony but have become disillusioned by what I perceive as the changes in the church and doctrine.When you were a Catholic, and not fallen away, did you believe the Eucharist was the Body of Christ? If so, why would you leave Him at the altar? We were told (by a couple of saintly priests) that if the priest says the right words at the Consecration, the Eucharist is Real. And that we weren't supposed to take it upon ourselves to think any differently. So if you wish for God to forgive you, why not partake in His Son; a gift [to you from Him] beyond all measure.
I believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I believe that he gave his life for my sins and that he acted as an example of faith for all of us. I believe that I can never and in any way "earn" my way to heaven but only by his looking at my lying sinful evil soul have mercy on me and just maybe, maybe get into the kingdom of heaven.
I would never put down or belittle anyone that finds comfort in the current church. I, as a prideful hypocrite, will only eat so much sh#t in the form of the Catholic heirarchy and know that I should just walk away and I have done it. What is odd is that my kids have gone to church with me and are thinking of converting to Catholocism. I encourage them to follow their inner voice that draws them to the church. God bless them and I hope that they and you all find peace, I however am jaded, cynical, prideful and in spite of my mask not a very good or nice person except to my family.
I pray that I haven't burned my bridge to the Lord by leaving the church but I really am lazy and find fighting the urge to tell the priest to just speak his word, give me some guidance and pray for my sould instead of carrying on a musical production and spouting off about political cr#p make it hard for me to go.
I've gone back every several months but the same sense of just disappointment and unease fill me. It's a "me" problem and not the church's problem. I'm the one that has to change....the church is what it is. I can not demand it change anymore than I can stand at a shoreline and yell at the waves for crashing into the beach.
Peace, brother.