Actually I come from a long line of Baptists on my mother’s side and Lutherans on my father’s, so I’d tend to identify you more as kin than crazy. And while I myself am Catholic, better a Protestant who sincerely seeks to do all he can with what he has than a Catholic who is full (or even half-full) of apathy.
The crazies were out well before Constantine—try reading Irenaeus, a second century missionary to France, who had been instructed by Polycarp who had been instructed by St. John. He was dealing with some real nut-jobs. I remember reading a good analysis (I think by Msgr Hughes) of second century heresies that noted that even at this time, all basic forms of heresy could be found. I’d try to recall more, but it is past midnight here.
I have to ask, with you knowledge and background, have you seen the film “The Name of the Rose” (1986) and if so, how do you feel about it?