You need to read the New Testament more.
if you think that reading something over, and over, and over, and over again and misinterpreting it every time, is of any benefit to you, you are wrong....
would you get surgery from me if I read a surgery book 100 times, but had never gone to medical school and been TAUGHT BY PEOPLE who understood the skill....
The Catholic Church has taught and understood Christianity for 2,013 years....I listen to them, I am helped to correctly interpret the scriptures, I am guided by their years of study and prayer.
when I was a child, I listened to my parents, grandparents and others who had experiences in life...I thought that I knew it all, but I never became a protestant.