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Marriage Mania: Average Couple spends more than $26,000 on Weddings
Archdiocese of Washington ^ | August 12, 2012 | Msgr. Charles Pope

Posted on 08/13/2012 1:44:37 PM PDT by NYer

Back in the 1980s when I was ordained, there was a priest in the area who was famous (infamous) for the fact that he requested couples who were going to spend more than $5,000 on a wedding (more in those days than now) to pay a tithe, (one tenth) of what they spent on the wedding, to the poor. While he could not require this of couples, he made of it more than a casual suggestion, reminding them that, as they spent thousands on flowers that wilt and dresses worn only once, there were some in this world who had little to wear or eat. The priest has long since passed away now, but was famous for saying very little at diocesan meetings, except, “Gentlemen, what about the poor?”

The memory of this priest crossed my mind as a Facebook Friend passed on tho me an article entitled: Average Couple spends 26K on Wedding. The article goes on to describe the devastating debt that many families incur, (especially when paired with college debt, etc.), on account of the increasingly unreasonable expectations regarding weddings.

In indicating that $26,000 is the average, that means that half spend more, some a lot more. I actually have couples who are shacking up, (err… “cohabiting”) tell me that they can’t “afford” to get married. Some are surprised when I tell them they don’t have to spend a dime to get married in the Church. They can come to the Chapel with two witnesses and I’ll even buy them lunch. The usual push-back I get is that my suggestion offends against dreams (usually of the woman who wants a picture perfect “Church Wedding”). “So, for the sake of a party you will go offending God?” I ask. “Why not prepare for marriage now, get married in the Chapel, and have a 10th Anniversary bash?” suggest I. “We’ll get back to you on that Father.” Do I need to tell you my phone is not exactly ringing off the hook?

Disclaimer - As regards the cost of weddings, I realize that families do feel certain obligations to others. Further, there are some families that are prominent in the community, and either sense, or do in fact have, wider obligations. I do not, in this article mean to, or wish to, opine on particular weddings and I presume good faith on decisions that families make. However, at the cultural level we have questions to ask ourselves, in terms of the financial and personal costs we place on families. I have little doubt that weddings have always been relatively expensive, but 26K (average) is off the hook, and all of us do well to walk this whole thing back a bit, and ponder what fuels this. There are valid costs, but what part does vanity and dreaminess play on the part of the couple? And what part do unrealistic expectations and commercial hype play from the wider community side?

Permit me to give some excerpts from the article with my own commentary in red. The full article is written by Cathy Grossman of USA Today and is HERE

Call it Wedding Bill Blues. Even with a slight drop in “I Do” spending during recent tough economic years, many couples are beguiled beyond their budgets…..The average couple has a $26,989 wedding, according to Brides magazine. Even though that’s down from a peak of $28,082 in pre-recession 2008… remember this average number means that half of coupes spend more, some a lot more.

Couples are victimized by their own fantasies, cajoled by media visions of celebrity nuptials, and pressured by friends, family, even strangers posting idyllic photos on [wedding sites]…..Resisting is hard, say brides, citing wedding planners who overwhelm them with choices for décor and doo-dads that seem irresistible. Couples can also be lured off their financial feet by bank commercials that encourage borrowing for wedding costs. So the blame is collective, we ought not simply blame dreamy brides, or proud grooms, its all of us.

“It’s emotional. Practicality goes out the window,” says David Jones, president of the Association of Independent Consumer Credit Counseling Agencies. Jones [though savvy about the problem of debt] sees many ways debt entraps people. As a grandfather, Jones…found himself a shocked participant in runaway wedding spending for his granddaughter’s wedding…— a $6,000 gown, when $3,000 was planned..

Gosh, I just can’t imagine spending 6K for a dress worn only once.

I remember that my mother, to save money, went in on a dress that three of her friends shared (see photo above). Of course in those days women married rather predictably right out of college and such “team arrangements” were easier to make.

Today, does a dress have to be purchased? Can it not be rented? I DO know of some brides who find very lovely “used” gowns for a very reasonable price.

We also discussed last month, that, for those who purchase a dress, there is a very lovely custom of making baptismal gowns from it, or other holy garments.

At any rate, I’m sorry, 6K for a dress worn only once is crazy. Why not just say no to that sort of stuff? I know, I Know, I’m “a man” and wouldn’t understand.

While Jones and his wife contributed cash, their son, father of the bride, “had to work overtime for months after the March wedding to pay off the credit card bills,” Jones says…..Most people don’t have an emergency account or savings. The typical family has $50,000 for retirement.They don’t have six to nine months of savings set aside and even if they did, it wouldn’t be $26,000. Even if young couples are increasingly sharing the costs, they’re facing student loans and credit card debt even before the first wedding invitation flies out.

Hello….There are a lot of other things that won’t be missed too. In then, can we agree, it is the people, and togetherness that makes a wedding reception, not the “stuff.”

The article then details a number of cost savings to consider and couples getting married may find this part of the article helpful. The article then concludes:

>Weddings bells sound like a cash register —Ka-ching! The average 2012 wedding (not including a honeymoon) will cost $26,989, up from $26,501 in 2011. A May 2012 survey of 1,272 Brides magazine and website readers found:

•91% of couples set a budget, but 32% overall, and 40% of those who plan a destination wedding, cross that line.

•72% of couples used savings to pay for their weddings. I presume they deplete it almost entirely? Not a good plan when starting a family.

•30% use credit cards, and most expect to pay off credit cards within six months of their wedding. Think again

•54% of couples said paying for a wedding would not hamper their plans for “buying a house or a car, starting a family, etc.” Think again

•62% of couples say they’re contributing or paying entirely for the reception costs, including 36% of couples who expect to pick up the entire tab themselves. Notice, that’s a big change from 25 years ago when the family of the bride footed most or all the bill. I wonder if parents still paid most of the bill if things would be this off the hook?

•Couples are almost as likely to have a sit-down plated meal at their reception (42%) as a buffet style meal (41%).

Perhaps we can end were we started. I wonder if a cash tithe were going to the poor, if couples and families might not also think a little more soberly. Maybe the older priest I remember had a spiritual insight. When everything isn’t about me, and when I think of others first, perhaps the Lord grants us a greater degree of sobriety.

It isn’t just about weddings, its about a lot of purchases. What if I were going to buy a camera, the latest SLR, and what if it costs $1100 dollars. When It’s just about me, its too easy to say, “Sure! Charge it!” But what if I am also going to have to write a check to overseas relief, of $110? Now I might think twice, or I might not buy the deluxe, or maybe I will buy it, but at least its not just about me.

Maybe, when we render our debt to the poor, first, our own debts are less. Something to think about in the extravaganza and boondoggle known as “the wedding.”


TOPICS: Catholic; Current Events; Moral Issues; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: pricetag; wedding; weddingbells; weddingcosts
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To: Tax-chick

Ooops. I suspect another family member came by and messed with that post while I was changing the baby.


61 posted on 08/14/2012 8:27:37 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("You're screwed, losers. Steyn 2012!")
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To: Slyfox

around 11,000 today


62 posted on 08/14/2012 8:31:20 AM PDT by wardaddy (this white hair don't cover up my redneck......)
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To: AuntB

You got it and...it seems the guests and bridal party seem to have to pay so much to participate by traveling to an island or some other place..it’s amazing.


63 posted on 08/14/2012 9:27:17 AM PDT by cubreporter
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To: NYer

LOL.

Rush Limbaugh spent a million bucks just to have Elton john sing at his wedding.

Kinda skews the averages when you factor celebrity marriages into the equation.


64 posted on 08/14/2012 10:45:21 AM PDT by dmz
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To: NYer

Well, here I am bucking the trend...

We were married in 1993, and even though I lived at home in NYC, the wedding took place on Long Island, in a church (to which we donated a generous $500 and tipped the 4 altar boys $50 each.)

When planning for the wedding, the first question we had to answer was: Shall we invite the entire family, or just parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles? This was important because it meant the difference of having a 50 person wedding, or one that would top 300. (I have a LOT of cousins.) I wanted my cousins there, and so did hubby. Right away, that meant that our reception was going to cost big bucks — there are a limited number of places that can handle 300+ people. I had already decided to only have a matron of honor and a few ushers.

Knowing this, I made an effort to not only save my parents some money, but to save my father from cardiac arrest right on the spot. So I checked out the “cheaper” options available: Knights of Columbus Halls, etc. Yup, the rental for these places was pretty cheap, but you still had to hire a caterer, rent tables and chairs and linens and place settings, and hire waitstaff. All of a sudden, the “cheap place” wasn’t so cheap anymore.

So I went to a fancy-dancy catering hall on Long Island. The place was beautifuly decorated in the style of an English hunting lodge. The menu was fabulous, and everything would be included, including the cake. But there was a problem. The cost PER PERSON for this venue was (in 1993 mind you) a whopping $120!

After my head stopped pounding and my vision cleared, I calmly and politely said, “That’s well beyond my budget. I thank you for your time, though,” and began to leave.

“Wait, wait!” the maitre d’ shouted! “I have an idea! What if you got married on a FRIDAY instead of a Saturday?”

Get married on a FRIDAY? I’d never heard of such a thing. I wondered why that might change my mind and the maitre d’ said, “Well, the cost per person on a Friday night would be $67.”

And suddenly, I had an option. Still, I didn’t know if Father would allow a Catholic wedding on a Friday. I told the maitre d’ I’d have to ask, but pencil me in for Oct. 22. So I ran home and called the church, and Thanks be to God, Father said, yes, I could get married on a Friday night instead of a Saturday afternoon.

As for the rest of the expenses, hubby and I paid for everything else except for the flowers, which were the gift of my former employer (the flower shop, that is). The photographer and the band (this was before DJs, but I still would have gone with a band), and the tuxedos were all paid for by the two of us, and I admit to splurging with my own money on a wedding gown that cost a small fortune. But hey, I was six feet tall, model thin and had a magnificent aisle to fill up. That train was going to be LONG. I had the cash, so I spent it.

And oh, what a great time we had! Sadly, the bishop refused to allow a Latin Mass, and I made the organist crazy by asking for the Arcadelt “Ave Maria” rather than the Bach, but the ceremony was lovely and reverent. The reception went off without a hitch, and the only thing hubby and I really missed was the opportunity to TRULY enjoy the magnificent dinner placed before us.

I remember everything like it was yesterday, I love my husband even more than I did that day, and I look forward to having many more happy years together.

So...I think it’s all in how you look at things: If you value the sacrament more than you do the party afterwards, it doesn’t matter HOW much you spend. If not...well, you could get married with $100 or $100K — there will be trouble.

Regards,

PS: Congratulations to all you happily married people out there, no matter WHAT you spent on the wedding! Isn’t it wonderful to be in love?


65 posted on 08/14/2012 12:56:42 PM PDT by VermiciousKnid (Sic narro nos totus!)
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To: VermiciousKnid

Just wow! I’m a Long Islander .. why didn’t I get an invitation? ;-) Just kidding. Sometimes, simply changing an event date can make all the difference and your wedding is testimony to this fact. An English hunting lodge ... do you mind my asking where on Long Island the lodge is located?


66 posted on 08/14/2012 1:46:33 PM PDT by NYer (Without justice, what else is the State but a great band of robbers? - St. Augustine)
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To: NYer

Oh, I’m sure you’ve heard of it, NYer...The Fox Hollow (how ENGLISH, right??)

It’s one of the Scotto Brothers’ places, along with Westbury Manor and the Chateau Briand (where my brother had his wedding — and his was even bigger than mime at over 400 people — his wife’s family is larger than ours, hard as that is to believe).

You’re right about changing that one little date made all the difference — to this day, I don’t know what I would have done to reign in costs and still have my whole family there to witness our nuptials. People say, “Oh, why didn’t you have it in a tent?” Well, I would have but as you know, LAND is at a premium in NYC and on Long Island — where would I put this tent?

No matter. We’re coming on 20 years of marriage and all is well. What more could I ask?

Regards,

PS: I would have been delighted to have you at the wedding dear NYer!


67 posted on 08/14/2012 2:41:31 PM PDT by VermiciousKnid (Sic narro nos totus!)
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To: Tax-chick
Thank you. I agree. I think with many new couples today, their choices are often influenced by their respective parents. The parents feel obligated to invite all the distant relatives as well as business partners and fellow employees as do the couple with their friends and fellow employees. Before they know what happened, they have a list of hundreds not counting spouses of invitees. That's when the REAL pressure starts - winnowing down the guest list careful not to offend anyone. Most start with a budget but soon find it was a mere jumping off point. I went to many weddings before my own and most were "over-the-top" affairs where the parents were who really shined and impressed everyone.

I remember growing up my Dad telling us three girls that when we got married he would either pay for a big wedding or buy us a car. He lucked out because I waited until I was 38 to get married and was already out on my own with a good job and settled home. He ended up not paying for anything. When we got married, we already had decided we would sell the 32' boat and upgrade to a larger one so we could live aboard while continuing to work to be able to retire early and go "cruising". That's the reason why we asked our guests to NOT give us gifts - we knew we needed to seriously downsize once we moved aboard.

A wedding was always supposed to be the start of a life-long union that combined two families and it was celebrated and special. Sadly, too many weddings turn into unabashed show-offs meant to impress everyone and don't last. Today's couples should, in my opinion, have small tasteful weddings and, instead of tens of thousands spent on it, use the money to buy a house. It seems like such a waste to spend so much money and stress on one day when the marriage is what deserves the most effort and is what is supposed to last a lifetime.

I applaud your commitment to your marriage and the family you have together built to love the Lord and live for Him. I wish far more couples entered into the bonds of marriage with the same outlook.

68 posted on 08/14/2012 2:52:55 PM PDT by boatbums (God is ready to assume full responsibility for the life wholly yielded to Him.)
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To: boatbums

My parents budgeted $3,000 for my wedding, and said I could have it in cash if I wanted to have it in the Chaplain’s office ;-). When we decided on a church wedding, Mom said I had to have engraved invitations (because she wanted them and didn’t have them for her wedding) and invite an array of people who mostly wouldn’t come, but it was important to invite them. Fair enough! We ended up with about 80 guests, because there was an ice storm (in San Antonio) and some people couldn’t get there. Wedding at 10:00 a.m., reception with coffee, champagne, cake and sandwiches, and the unavoidable Officers’ Club meatballs.

It might have been a bigger deal if we’d lived near either of our families, but he was in the Air Force and I was in college, a couple thousand miles from everyone. If everyone lives in the same city, I can see where accommodating all the potential attendees could be a real issue.

Have you retired on your boat? My husband would love that, but I have dreadful motion-sickness issues and want my “laundromat-bar-and-grill” on dry land!


69 posted on 08/14/2012 3:34:42 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("You're screwed, losers. Steyn 2012!")
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To: VermiciousKnid
We’re coming on 20 years of marriage and all is well. What more could I ask?

Nothing! The fact that you love your husband more today than yesterday, is testimony to the blessings God has bestowed on your marriage. Your union is indeed ... a match made in Heaven.

P.S. - thanks for the invite! I miss Long Island. 20 years ago, I moved upstate to the Capitol District to be closer to my aging parents, who relocated here 30 years before my move. The best part of this move is that I retain happy memories of the Long Island years while growing up. Now, I am centrally located - 3 hours away from NYC, BOS or Montreal. Still, the smell of the surf eludes me, along with the call of the gulls and the sound of international flights passing overhead at specific times of day. I'll keep the memories and cherish the new surroundings.

70 posted on 08/14/2012 3:53:29 PM PDT by NYer (Without justice, what else is the State but a great band of robbers? - St. Augustine)
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To: NYer

Aww...NYer, if you ever find yourself down this way, please let me know. I’ll meet you at Mass (TLM, of course!) and go out for brunch afterwards. Near the ocean, if you wish.

Regards,


71 posted on 08/14/2012 5:12:38 PM PDT by VermiciousKnid (Sic narro nos totus!)
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To: NYer
Hubby and I just celebrated the wedding of our only daughter in June. It cost us slightly over $18,000. While many won't think so, that is a bargain for the New York metropolitan area. We budgeted $20K for it, so we came in slightly under budget. And it was worth every penny of it. I wouldn't trade that day and its memories for anything.

When Hubby and I got married 29 years ago in the Twin Cities it cost my parents $3,000. Times do change.

72 posted on 08/14/2012 5:24:00 PM PDT by ContraryMary (Obama = Carter redux)
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To: Slyfox
I paid $2,500 when I got married in 1975. Plus, I had a live band.

I think we were close to that. My viewpoint with my daughters is that they would be better off having a modest wedding and use the money saved for a nice honeymoon.

73 posted on 08/14/2012 5:36:54 PM PDT by PapaBear3625 (A deep-fried storm is coming, Mr Obama.)
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To: Tax-chick
Have you retired on your boat? My husband would love that, but I have dreadful motion-sickness issues and want my “laundromat-bar-and-grill” on dry land!

We moved aboard the 45' sailboat and continued to work full time for six years. The boat was docked at a marina in St. Pete. We did retire in 1999 and we cruised for two years, going to the Bahamas twice and all the way around the west coast of Florida, up through the keys, including Key West. On the way back from the Bahamas, we decided that sailing was too darn s-l-o-w, so we put the boat up for sale. It sold in 2001 and we bought a new 42' trawler (motorboat). We sailed it around Florida, even went through the Okeechobee Waterway twice (a lock system straight through the middle of the state). Back to the Bahamas (twice) and all the way up to Daytona and down to Ft. Lauderdale, Palm Beach and Miami. LOVED, loved, loved it!

On the trawler we had a generator that could run the two air conditioners, we had a full size refrigerator/freezer with ice maker, three-burner stove with a convection/microwave oven, large stainless steel sink, two queen bed staterooms each with its own head (walk-in shower, toilet and sink), a living room with stereo surround sound and satellite TV (32" LCD) and even a dinette that seated four. Best of all - it had a washer/dryer! We had a great fully-enclosed flybridge with all the navigation toys including self-steering. Even though it was a trawler, we could cruise at 14 knots. It was a GREAT home and vacation place all in one - we never had to pack!

Believe it or not, my hubby has a seasickness problem, but unless we got caught in a bad storm, he really didn't have it much. We learned to schedule crossings when the weather was settled and, on many of the trips, we stayed close to shore so the rolling wasn't bad. We HAVE had our share of rotten weather - and you SWEAR you will NEVER go out on a boat again - but you get into a slip, take a shower, have a cold one or three and you know that it was all momentary insanity talking. The good times FAR outweighed the bad ones. And, like life, the bad times made the good times all the much better and at least you got experience for the next bad time. :o)

We met many people that said how much they had always wanted to do what we did, and I would tell them, "Do it! What's the worst thing that could happen? You do it and you hate it, sell the boat and go back to a house, at least you could say you tried it. And if you love it, then think of what you would have missed had you never tried it!". I know y'all have young kids, so maybe cruising isn't the best for you right now, but you can always take a sailing class and fly to an island resort and charter a sailboat for a week or two. You can even have several couples go in on one together and it can be very reasonable that way. By all means, TRY IT. The scopolamine patches on the market work GREAT for seasickness.

As to us still having the boat, sad to say we sold it in 2006 and bought a house in Charlotte. We're dirtdwellers now. My Mom lives with us - she was displaced after Katrina - and my back problems just did not work well with living on a boat anymore but we are both okay with that. I am SO glad we did it - it had always been a dream of my husband's and I will treasure the times we had, the things we saw, the friends we made - all of it. It is a great way to live!

74 posted on 08/14/2012 7:38:06 PM PDT by boatbums (God is ready to assume full responsibility for the life wholly yielded to Him.)
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To: boatbums

Thanks for sharing that. I live in the Charlotte area, too. My husband and some kids sail at Lake Norman, while I do dishes and laundry and diapers and stuff. His friend from church used to race sailboats; he says you can see him in the “Jimmy Buffett Live in Anguilla” video, if you know where to look.

Our baby is only 6 months old, so I’ll be housebound for many years to come, but I love hearing about people’s having real adventures!


75 posted on 08/15/2012 4:26:20 AM PDT by Tax-chick (It's not poetic justice, but it's something awfully close to it.)
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To: NYer

These days, couples spend tens of thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours on the “perfect wedding”. They put little thought and effort into ensuring their marriage is successful.


76 posted on 08/15/2012 12:43:18 PM PDT by MEGoody (Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.)
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To: NYer

Burn the chick magazines and turn off gay/women tv.


77 posted on 08/17/2012 11:36:30 PM PDT by Bulan Sabriel (We are in a Clash if Civilizations. We are all that stands between a free West or dhimmi one.)
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