I do not believe in sola scriptura and I acknowledge and submit to an authoritative oral interpretive tradition. It just isn't yours.
If you were as orthodox a literalist as you profess then you would be a Cathlolic because of the Revelation regarding the Real Presence and the formation and governance of the Church. You certainly would not blaspheme the Virgin Birth by using terms like "magic babies".
You forget that I was Catholic for six years. Only G-d and I know how hard I tried to conform to the Church. But every time I picked up a Catholic publication, magazine, book, newspaper, tract, etc., I saw articles attacking my belief in the literal truth of Genesis 1-11 as "Protestant." Too bad those publications couldn't attack abortion and homosexuality with the same enthusiasm.
Would it help you at all if I told you that over a period of years I corresponded about four times with the late Archbishop Whelan of Hartford, CT? He was an enthusiastic anti-literalist who kept telling me how much "joy" I would find as I allowed the Church to guide me away from an "always literal" interpretation. This is the same jerk who filed amicus curae briefs with the ACLU against "creation science" in public schools.
I will keep on ridiculing "magic babies" and every other miracle hypocrites believe in while ridiculing me for my belief in the literal historical truth of Genesis 1-11. Deal with it.
Mocking me or the Church hurts neither me nor the Church, but it does harm to you.