I don't think you are alone in this Kosta. But I do think your vast knowledge, books and endless literature gets in the way of God himself revealing who He is to you, for it does seem all your research has not lead you to that end.
One can study throughout life, all the popular and historical findings and evidences yet still not come to an understanding of who God is, though they may learn various things 'about' Him. Even Christians who do know who He is can get caught up in all the literature available...though they are learning they are not necessarily knowing Him any better for it. It's like knwoing there's someone you've never really met, but know them thru writings as in a novel...it's another story altogether when you actually meet with them.
There was a time when I too read volumes of literature, though this was after I understood and accepted the Gospel of Christ. All very interesting and a sense of gaining in my understanding about the things of God, history etc. Still I wasn't 'satisified', for want of a better word. enough perhaps to say I didn't want to know God from someone elses writings of how they saw Him...but for myself.
It occurred to me that of all the literature man has available to Him it seemed to me that the scriptures somehow left far more an impression and understanding..and with that I somehow knew God better. So I returned to just reading the scriptures and a bible dictionary when I got hung up on definitions. At first for a few days which then lead to many weeks.
I cannot begin to explain the difference except to say I understood that which I know I do not have the intellict to understand apart from God somehow bringing that clarity thru the scriptures as I read. Many times the "lightbulb" turned on and I could see and understand....not all at once but more than enough to keep me engaged, He somehow connected the dots, and more than on occassion I was in awe of "who" He is, sitting back in my chair totally dumbstruck.
This is why I do know know that it is thru His scriptures, no matter if someone believes them are true, or not or somewhere in between, He does indeed reveal Himself if one really wants to know who He is.
Tony Snow knew this I think. And I posted this to you because I do believe you want to know who God is, and moreso God wants you to know who He is. Tony was in the Shadow of death and there are certain things in life you cannot learn other than walking that walk. Be it beside another enduring this or going thru questionable times yourself. Time does stop, that which is really insignificant is clear...that which is significant equally as much. When all is said and done it's an individual and where do they stand on the issue of Christ. We find the scriptures time and again reveal Christ from Genisus to Revelation. It's all there and complete.
So I guess what I'm saying is if your truly desire to know who God is, and not just about Him...ask Him and then read the scriptures for as long as it takes...just read...God will somehow meet you along the way in remarkable ways. And for a time put aside all the study books and literature.
BTW I think when God gets His hands on you, as He did Paul, you will be a mighty instrument in His hands in more ways than you can imagine. He will use all your knowledge and years of learning where He wants that to be known.
Please do not think I'm in any way trying to convert you to any particular religion or church...rather that you are so close to what you are looking for, but you might need to get off the circle of knowledge and just read the letters He wrote.. with Him....until you do know.
My research is not aimed at that end. If God wanted me to know him I would. :)
One can study throughout life, all the popular and historical findings and evidences yet still not come to an understanding of who God is
So, then, why don't you tell me what God is?
It's like knwoing there's someone you've never really met, but know them thru writings as in a novel...it's another story altogether when you actually meet with them
I know what the Bible tells me God is and what the Church says, but I don't find that compelling. If I say I know something, I can explain it. If I can't then I don't know it. I only know of it.
So I returned to just reading the scriptures and a bible dictionary when I got hung up on definitions. At first for a few days which then lead to many weeks
I do a lot of that. But, guess what? The Christians say one thing and the Jews another.
I cannot begin to explain the difference except to say I understood that which I know I do not have the intellict to understand apart from God somehow bringing that clarity thru the scriptures as I read
I had the same experiences when I was a believer. The problem was that I never questioned them. And, when I finally did, I realized they both subkjectively and objectively false. Which is why I am where I am.
Tony Snow knew this I think. And I posted this to you because I do believe you want to know who God is, and moreso God wants you to know who He is.
Tony Snow was a religious man. So much is clear. As to whether he knew it for sure, I don't know. I suppose he may know now.
So I guess what I'm saying is if your truly desire to know who God is, and not just about Him...ask Him and then read the scriptures for as long as it takes...just read
Look, neither Noah, nor Abraham, nor Moses read a single word, nor did Paul ever witness Jesus in person, and the Bible tells you that they knew God, perhaps better than those who read...I am confident that if there is a God, and he wants me to know him, I will. :)
Please do not think I'm in any way trying to convert you to any particular religion or church
I guess then it doesn't matter which book I read or don;t read. :)
but you might need to get off the circle of knowledge and just read the letters He wrote.. with Him....until you do know
I have, for years. I even learned koine Greek to do so. What makes you think I never read "his letters?"