I have certainly been in the boat you’re floating, for several decades, so I do get it. It is a mystery isn’t it, who succombs and who will not, and who is drawn and who is not? I agree that the Catholic Church is not the broad road, one of near entire and unaccountable spiritual ease, comfort, and assurance, but Jesus never encouraged such a path so different from his own.
You are a gem for wishing me a blessed Christmas, and being a sport about your loss and my gain.