Noooooooo! You've got it all wrong; they don't deserve those finer things of life!
Maybe change out the "roast pork" for a bucket of pork fat, the "warm puppies" for angry Rots that only attack their owner, and "girls in bikinis" means mobidly obese women in bikinis.
That’s even better - all to the tune of some skull-numbing Rap music.