Would you similarly tell a wife to treat the situation as an "opportunity to share in the sufferings of Christ"?Any injustice provides that opportunity. When I wrote "It's not fair, it's not right. A man in that situation is in a position where only heroic virtue will suffice" I thought I was saying that the wife's behavior was wrong. I don't think the husband has to just stoically "stiff upper lip" it either. What makes that situation all the more unjust is that there is no other outlet. Yeah, cooking, cleaning, what have you, all have alternate solutions even if those alternates cause some hardship. Sex doesn't.
A wife whose husband is failing needs to do the same thing a husband with a failing wife should do: pray, pray, pray and then pray some more remembering that love is an act of the will whether it's felt or not. Let the offending spouse know the nightmare being endured, don't give the chance for "I had no idea" to ever be an excuse.
The direction that I was coming from when I entered into this thread relates to the "Unclean Hands Doctrine" of common law (and reportedly going back to the Fourth Lateran Council), where someone complaining about a violation of an agreement must not himself also be in violation.
The essential applicability is that a wife is only allowed to complain about her husband's porn viewing if she herself had been fully upholding her end of the marriage with respect to sex. In other words, if she had been chronically rejecting him sexually, then she forfeits her right to complain if he watches porn; if she HAS been making an effort to satisfy his desires, and yet he still turns to porn, then she does have a right to rebuke him for that.