We wrote it;
we chose it;
we translated it;
we bring
to the heretic, the apostate and the heathen.
.
Ahhhhhhh yes
the self-purported
TOP FLIGHT
ASSESSOR, DISCERNER,
AND
AWARDER
OF THE
GILDED WHITE HANKY
CROWN OF PARAGON HUMILITY
HAS SPOKEN!
on the count of 3
. . .
a one anna 2 anna 3
hold the 90 degree
half-kowtow bow now
for the ful 12 count
a one anna 2 anna 3 anna 4 . . .
to be representative riff raff
in the annual visit of the unwashed
to his pristine glorious chambers,
The following will be led
after the fashion of a
Gregorian chant just before your exit
about 7 seconds after your entrance:
Begin now the salutation on the count of 3
a one anna 2 anna 3--IN UNISON NOW]: .
"OH MAGNIFICENTLY SPLENDED HUMBLE ONE!
My your halo enshrined pronouncements
define humility for God and all His creation
(subject only to Mary, of course!)
May the brightness of your wisdom
leave the august sages of the ages agape and aghast
at the brilliance of your gloriously wonderous
assessment criteria
for clearly oh Masterful Doctor of Humility
We must all submit to your assessment in
Eternal gratitude that we were
worthy to be scrutinized by your exacting standards.
.
We know that none of us ever have
and none of us ever can
match the sanctity
the purity
and the Heavenly Magnificence of your
gloriously halo'd humility.
.
However, it gives us sniveling snots
knaves, sinners, reprobates
and even us groveling Protty Christians
such resplendent comfort and satisfaction
just to know that
once upon a time
The GREAT HUMILITY ASSESSOR
passed this way
and condescended
to weary his sainted eyes
to besmirch his holy gaze
by glancing in our
lowly state of extreme humanness.
.
May Mummy Mary's
anointed white hanky
be quickly applied
to your troubled eyes
and quickly heal them
for the horrific hazard
of a couple of seconds' glance
in our direction
as your motorcade sped by."
your everlastingly
slavishly loyal
serfs and slaves."
.
[You may now rise
from your
floor face
before the throne
of the
SUPREME PAPAL ANNUNCIO
OF THE DEPARTMENT OF PARAGON HUMILITY
HIS CHIEF LOFTY EMMINENCE
CARDINAL PARAGON PUFFERY OF PARAGUE.
.
Please
back slowly
out of the room
with your sock'd tootsies
astride the line of gold tiles in the floor
until you are well outside the gold double doors.
Keep your eyes to the floor.
Shuffle your feet in unision.
to the familiar
POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE
this time as a RECESSIONAL.
You are to never speak of
your 7 second audience
with His Excellency,
The Supremely Gloriously Humble One,
CARDINAL PARAGON PUFFERY OF PRAGUE,
because it is an insult to the stature of his office
to ever let the masses know that
The Glorious One had to view the unwashed for 7 seconds.
Of the EXALTED DR HUMBLE'S
SACRED SNOT
at the sacred relics shop
between the back gilded double doors
and the street.
.
His sacred snot is guaranteed
to have been gleaned from the freshest
of saintly white hankies
newly fallen from the heavens
fresh from Heaven on Sunday mornings
only during lent.
CARDINAL HUMBLE refuses to
touch his snozolla with any other.
.
ENOUGH! BE GONE!