Mormon teen friend: "The devil was born as my elder brother. He's your elder brother, too."
Me: "OKayyy."
Mormon teen friend: "There was a bit of that sibling rivalry going on in heaven. Between the devil and Jesus."
Me: "Uh, Col. 1 and Heb. 1 says Jesus created Lucifer, not bicker back and forth as siblings."
Mormon teen friend: "Well, no mind. (We ignore the New Testament whenever it's convenient to do so)."
Me: "And how do you 'know' about this 'pre-existence' stuff?"
Mormon teen friend: "My 14-year-old friend who I testify about all the time told me."
Me: "Your 14 yo friend who you testify about?"
Mormon teen friend: "Yeah, well, that's the way I like to think about Joseph Smith when the 'personage' appeared to him. Anyway, he told us all about the pre-existence."
Me: "And you have no other sources for this original revelation other than your '14 yo friend?'"
Mormon teen friend: "No. So?"
Me: "Let me get this straight: Suppose your other 14 yo Mormon friend testifies to you that...
"...he saw a spaceship with well, just to make up a name, 'Kolob' decals land in his backyard,
"...and the beings that emerged from this ship told him they all [billions of them] were 'born' from this one goddess who had countless sex acts with the head god of their planet,
"...but that it wasn't really the beginning of their life when they born as spirits, 'cause they had already existed as 'spirits' and 'intelligences,'
"...but the birthing process into spirit-beings helped their universal spiritual development,
"...which was then further refined when their spirits were sent to inhabit bodies down here on planet earth,
"...and even though they were sent down as perfect beings,
"...it further spiritually gelled their spiritual evolution into gods and gods-in-embryo to disobey their head god and bring sin, murder, death, decay, rot, war, abuse, conflict, hostility, rape, porn, abortion, mayhem, assault, you-name-it...
"...and all of this should be 'celebrated' because it, after all, it finally allowed these beings to have sex and pro-create and evolve into future gods???"
"I mean what if your other 14 yo teen friend told you all THAT today???"
Teen Mormon friend: "Oh, you've read Mormon 'scripture' and Mormon doctrines, too?"
1 The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions.
2 One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. 3 The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple [a] of the LORD, where the ark of God was. 4 Then the LORD called Samuel.
Samuel answered, “Here I am.” 5 And he ran to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
But Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.” So he went and lay down.
6 Again the LORD called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
“My son,” Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.”
7 Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD : The word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him.
8 The LORD called Samuel a third time, and Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
Then Eli realized that the LORD was calling the boy. 9 So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.’ “ So Samuel went and lay down in his place.
10 The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”
Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”
11 And the LORD said to Samuel: “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. 12 At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. 13 For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, [b] and he failed to restrain them. 14 Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’ “
15 Samuel lay down until morning and then opened the doors of the house of the LORD. He was afraid to tell Eli the vision, 16 but Eli called him and said, “Samuel, my son.”
Samuel answered, “Here I am.”
17 “What was it he said to you?” Eli asked. “Do not hide it from me. May God deal with you, be it ever so severely, if you hide from me anything he told you.” 18 So Samuel told him everything, hiding nothing from him. Then Eli said, “He is the LORD; let him do what is good in his eyes.”
19 The LORD was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of his words fall to the ground. 20 And all Israel from Dan to Beersheba recognized that Samuel was attested as a prophet of the LORD. 21 The LORD continued to appear at Shiloh, and there he revealed himself to Samuel through his word.
Yep Colofornian, maybe Eli should have told Samuel, who was more than likely even younger than 14, to shut the heck up, go back to bed, and never, ever never, mention such blasphemy again or he would tar and feather him. God isn’t allowed to talk with young people.