Very well all of your interpretations of Scripture have finally shown me "What it's all about". Even though I have yearned for a father who would love me, keep me safe, and show me the way, even though my earthly father had abandoned me, it is to no avail, there is no father for the fatherless.
I have reached for just a thread of salvation, but it passes me by
Not having the privilege of being selected, being rejected and used only as an example of every thing wrong in this world has indeed hardened my heart. My destiny is written my misery and despair know no limits, nothing I can do will change my fate.
Like Job I have lost it all, but no hedge protects me neither God or man has any concern for my well deserved fate. Love flees from my grasp, mercy is foreign to me. Misery
Despair
Rejection
Hopelessness are my fate. But, the answer is...that is just the way it is."
Had to reprint your entire response because it is so very good. However, if you can tolerate it, read on.
First, these are not my "interpretations of Scripture". These passages are large chunks which tell the story of the Gospel. Historically, this was the message most all of those opposing Rome held during the Reformation.
Second, if you have reached for a thread of salvation, it may have indeed passed you by. OR it may be that God has elected you and implanted faith and you are coming to the end of yourself. Dependence upon your "decision", your efforts, your holiness. You may be beginning to see just how reliant we are upon Him to hold us. Time will tell you whether you are being brought into His family or excluded.
Recall, the difference between Jacob and Esau. Esau He hated and even when Esau sought repentence "with tears", he was excluded. But, Jacob, even as much of a deceiver as he was, was loved and became the one to have the twelve tribes. Was it because he chose? On the contrary, it was because he was irresistably called. If you are among those elected, you will be unable to shake your compulsion to entrust yourself to Jesus. You will find yourself holding to His righteousness and denying your own. You will agree with Paul when he says, "There is no one who is good. Not even one. No one seeks God." You will eventually agree that He sought you, you did not seek Him.
So, third, you cannot tell that you have not been "selected". You may wish to whine like, "poor little me, I didn't get chosen, and pity will make this doctrine wrong." But, this is more of your pride speaking, not true recognition that, in you dwells no good thing. We will not feel sorry for you. When this becomes, "Praise God, for there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus!", as Paul says, you are seeing that all righteousness, all holiness, all goodness, all faith is a gift implanted, not by your synergistic choosing.
Herein is the error of Catholicism. It seeks to provide means by which men can decide to be saved. Do this, think that, choose this, perform that, obey this, join that, believe this, say that...all man-centered theological constructs. All full of death and darkness of self. Unless Christ determines to rescue us, there is nothing.
Job did in fact come to see this, when he slapped his hand over his mouth and said, "I have no right to speak!" God shouted at him for two chapters about who Job thought he was to call the God of Heaven and earth to task for the path given to Job. Job's eyes were opened and he said, "This is your right!" That realization is echoed by Paul, "How can the clay say to the potter you have no right over the clay to make me thus?" That's right...we are putty in His hands.
So, misery, despair, rejection are all good thoughts...as long as they point toward your sin and your inability to do what it is that Jesus required as He taught the Law. When (or if) you reach the end of your rope and say, "How then can any man be saved?" as the disciples did, hopefully the light will dawn, "Good question...what is impossible with man is possible with God." to accomplish. But even that recognition is controlled by God. Man cannot even control what it is he comes to recognize.
Maybe hopeslessness is your fate, as it is for every lost man and woman in history. On the other hand, it may that God is breaking your heart and wooing you away from self reliance to that desperate feeling of being in His hands, alone. It hurts greatly to face the disappointment of our inadequacy. But as Paul writes, "Our adequacy is in Him." His grip is the safest place to be.
You may be being dragged into the family of God. The route generally leads "through the knothole backwards". It hurts, it traumatizes, it sobers everyone who has been brought to the end of themselves. Ask any Reformed thinker here at FR and you will find...they ached until they thought it would never quit. Then the light of salvation in Jesus alone brought refreshing relief.
When were they saved? Most don't really know the exact date. What day was Paul saved on? When the voice came? When he sat in the house in Damascus? During the three years in Arabia? He doesn't say. It is clear, "Once I was blind, but now I see." That was enough.