Hey....what a deal. My check is in the mail. If I press my face to the monitor will you bless me until my anointed hanky arrives?
Wooooooo....I can feel the faith rushing to my face. It feels like static electricity oozing from the monitor. It’s working...it’s working....
“Wooooooo....I can feel the faith rushing to my face.”
Wrong direction. It’s the leg, the leg. Do you feel the tingle? Me thinks thou art in the gall of bitterness and in the bond of iniquity.
But fear not nor dispair, it just so happens we have just received a shipment of atomizers filled with holy water from the Dead Sea area, passed and certified by an experienced much forgiven televangelist who personally garauntees that a spritser here and there will lift you out of the slough of despond. And it comes to you for only a cash or debit card contribution of $250.00 American.
If you send in your contribution in the next 30 minutes we will include an originally autographed copy of Bobby Bare’s single:
“Drop-kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life”
Drop-kick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life,
End over end, neither left nor to right.
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop-kick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life.
Make me, Oh make me, Lord, more than I am
Make me a part of your master game plan
Free of the earthly tempestions below
I’ve got the will, Lord, if you’ve got the toe.
Bring on the brothers who’ve gone on before
Bring on the sisters who’ve knocked on your door.
Bring on those sainted relations of mine
And put them up front in the offensive