Posted on 11/24/2009 9:02:14 AM PST by Patrick Madrid
I know, this is hardly revolutionary or unique advice, but I was recently asked about this issue by a young Catholic man who called my "Open Line" radio show (heard every Thursday at 3:00 p.m. ET). He had been dating a devoutly Presbyterian girl, and her father didn't like it one bit that the guy was Catholic.
I think my response to his "what do I do now?" question may have surprise him. (It apparently surprised and even dismayed a few of my listeners, judging from some of the e-mails that came in after that show.)
My basic premise, which I advert to in this audio segment is that . . .
(Excerpt) Read more at patrickmadrid.blogspot.com ...
As for the prospective spouse coming from an intact home, that is what the priest teaching our pre-Cana class said, run from the girl from the broken home. Well, that was me, the child of an ugly and dramatic divorce. And the priest’s remarks hurt.
27 years later, Mr. Heartwood and I are blessed with four children and a solid happy marriage that has survived griefs and trials with never a serious disagreement. Sometimes someone who comes from a wrecked marriage is absolutely determined to get it right in her own life, for the sake of her own children; for the same reason I will never commit suicide as I’ve seen the hell it leaves behind.
And as NEMDF testifies, the lack of charity to victims of divorce can drive them from the Church. Luckily for me I knew the Church was something bigger than what that priest represented, because I wasn’t Catholic at the time, either.
Better to pray for unity for all Christians.
I’m glad that it worked out for you. That’s really wonderful.
“And as NEMDF testifies, the lack of charity to victims of divorce can drive them from the Church.”
It isn’t lack of charity that guides me, but rather a recognition that children of divorce are at much higher risk for many problems, not just divorce in their own marriages.
Nonetheless, children of divorce are more likely to experience broken marriages than others. That’s how it is. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t children of divorce who don’t have successful marriages, just a matter of increased risk. Significantly increased risk.
Among other things, I’d prefer for my sons to avoid the things that increase the risk of a failed marriage. I’d also prefer if they could avoid the other difficulties that often come with someone whose parents were divorced.
But I completely understand your perspective. My own father’s parents divorced. So imagine if my mother had taken my advice!! LOL!!
Nonetheless, it was quite a gamble, and for my mother, quite a ride. They were married over 53 years when she died, but boy oh boy, if I had a nickel for every time my father threatened to divorce my mother, I’d be retired right now.
I also know a bit about my father’s upbringing and the things he suffered as a result of his parents’ divorce. I know how these things followed him all the days of his life, and still follow him to this day, in his 80s. I know how much difficulty that added to my parents’ marriage, how much stress and strain and tension there was, in part due to the fact that my father’s parents were divorced.
In all sorts of ways, my father has beaten the odds all his life. I admire him, and am glad to be his son.
But, I just don’t like betting against the odds, myself, and would prefer that my sons wouldn't gamble with their prospective marriages, either.
sitetest
My parents didn’t want me dating Catholic boys. Married one and voila! he’s a Prot now.
If there were unity between Christians, then there would be no Christian mixed marriages, and Patrick's warning would be unnecessary. It is the fact that there isn't unity between Christians that requires what he has said.
sitetest
I have to disagree a little, it is best if Catholics date and marry Catholics but there are many Catholics who looked into the the Catholic Church and became Catholics.
Catholic, by name, doesn’t really mean much and if your child has a good grasp on their relationship with Christ through the Catholic Church they will be looking for someone with that same commitment. But marrying Catholic doesn’t automatically mean that they will practice the faith or even remain Christian.
Probably because I know more Catholics, I can name as many Catholic/Catholic marriages that have failed as Catholic/Protestant.
Now if the non-Catholic refused to get married in the Church and promise to raise the children Catholic, I’d have a problem with that.
LOL, I just remembered my DIL was Catholic when she married my son, none of us were. She was just an Easter and Christmas kind of Catholic but Catholic. She was under the impression that she should become whatever religion her husband was and I told her using no uncertain terms that changing religions wasn’t like shopping and she should stick with her Catholicism.
She wanted to baptize her oldest daughter and my son wouldn’t let her baptize her Catholic and then we did the silly thing of shopping around. She was baptized in the Episcopalian church because as I said, they’re not all Catholic and they’re not all Protestant.
Anyway, its a long story but we’re all Catholic now.
That is why we need to pray for unity among the believers of Christ.
As a convert I am eternally grateful that my wife and her parents didn’t heed your advice. As a father I intend to. Odd how life works, no?
God has His Plan, we can but try to follow His will.
The Pope of Christian Unity is working towards that goal as we speak. Pray for him please.
“That is why we need to pray for unity among the believers of Christ.”
As a Catholic, that is certainly my prayer.
And as a Catholic, what that means is that everyone else gives up what is against Catholic faith and comes into communion with the Church, that is, the CATHOLIC Church.
And when that happens, there will be no more mixed marriages, as everyone will be in communion with everyone else, and I won't need to teach my sons to look for good, devout CATHOLIC young women, as every young Christian woman will be, for all intents and purposes, Catholic.
But until that day, I will show my sons the advantage of looking for a devout CATHOLIC young lady to marry.
sitetest
Thank-you for your excellent answer.
Amen to that, I second it! Pray for B16 that his prayerful efforts at Christian unity will bear much fruit.
A good THANKSGIVING to ALL on this thread and FR.:)=^..^=
Thank you God for all the wonderful blessings,
For our daily meals, for clean drinking water,
For sunlight and for the cool breeze.
I’m thankful for my family, my wife, my friends, and my health.
I’m thankful for my friends, to love and be loved and for freedom.
I’m thankful to be employed;
I’m thankful to be alive and praise you for all these wonders.
I’m thankful that you have been so gracious
To give your only Son to us
Who gave his life and bore the Unbearable
For us sinners.
On this Thanksgiving Day, I take the Opportunity to thanks for countless other
things you provide us with on a daily basis.
Amen.
I was raised Catholic and I thank God for that gift. I married a man who is no religion at all; completely agnostic. He doesn’t even know if he was ever baptized. He puts me to shame with his goodness and the way he treats others.
Still, it is a lonely life. I have attended Mass alone for 30 years. I often counseled my children not to marry a non-Catholic because it is a very hard life. So far, not one of them is with a serious, practicing Catholic! Go figure. Knowing what I know now about the desolation of continually worshiping alone, I am not sure I would make the same choice. The echoes of my choice reverberate through my life in ways I never could have predicted.
Studies have shown children ultimately follow the religious footsteps of their fathers. Women need to know that and choose accordingly.
I thought it would be a beautiful gift for God to continue to live my faith despite having to do it alone; I was prideful. I am not as strong as I thought I was and I long to connect with my husband on a spiritual level. It has gotten harder as life has gotten harder.
Why do only some get the gift of faith? I am tormented by knowing I may not see my husband in heaven. How can it be heavenly if our loved ones are not there? Has my example been an impediment to my husband’s conversion? These are not easy questions to live with for your entire life. Sometimes I think it is as Scarlett O’Hara’s father told her, “Like should marry like. It’s the only way to happiness.”
About 100 years ago, my Baptist grandmother married my Catholic grandfather. The priest refused to do the ceremony, so they went up the chain of command. They were married by a cardinal. My grandmother eventually converted and was baptized on the day of my father’s first communion.
Thanks to Grandma, we learned some of the great Protestant hymns, like Bringing in the Sheaves, and When the Roll is Called Up Yonder.
I agree that mixed religions adds another challenge, so I would hope that my kids find observant Catholics to marry. However, I will try to be patient if they don’t, and maybe pray with St. Monica (whose husband eventually converted from paganism.) If the other fundamentals are strong, and they are mature and committed, they may persevere, and may grow in faith together, even if they start out in different denominations. My big fear is that they will give up on faith entirely, especially by marrying a faithless person and following the path of least resistance. I don’t want them to lose the most important tool in life’s toolchest, and I want to see them in Heaven.
***God doesn’t care what the label on the outside says, He is more concerned with the contents of the package.***
mk, you are absolutely right. But what happens when the Catholic partner to the marriage wants to send the children to Catholic school and the Protestant partner wants them to attend his/her church? It confuses the children, and they may just end up so confused that they will have no religion. The Catholic church does not consider Protestants inferior, it just wants to avoid conflict over religion when raising children.
I think your advice is sound bordering on obvious.
IF you are a devout Catholic, then marriage is a sacrament, and for Catholics that means a great deal. IF then you are going to enter into marriage, you should (must even) do so with someone who understands and values this sacrament as much as you, if you wish to share the depth of your union on all levels mutually.
Which, again, is obvious (to me).
This is not to say there aren’t exceptions, or that non-Catholics cannot be Christians of course.
Osama: “Good, good, the unbelievers are a house divided amongst themselves, and Islam will triumph”.
Well the church has a service for Catholics that marry non- Catholics so I presume their is no ban intended from your side. Strictly speaking as long as the person is open to the CHurch and knows their partners stand on it I see no problems that cannot be overcome. I married a Non- Catholic now she pulss me up all the time on matters of faith!
Blessings
Mel
God has His Plan
Indeed he does, my friend. But at 43, never married,no prospects and no children I sometimes wonder what His is for me.
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