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Nor would lightning have struck her. Let's be real here. Nevertheless, the discipline in force at the time was that she should not have participated in the wedding, especially in a maid of honor role which is part of the official order of the service. Perhaps she simply didn't know any better. Even in 1958, there were some Catholics who just might not have known about such things. The cracks in the foundation of proper catechesis were already forming in some places. God “probably” wouldn't bother wasting His ammunition hurling lightning at your friend at any rate, but the Catholic understanding of culpability makes the assumption that God considers ignorance in mitigating actual responsibility. So your friend, under such circumstances, was doubtless off the “target list” for that particular day. ;-)

Anyway, to get serious here, since your wedding day, the discipline of the Church has changed somewhat in these matters. There has been a relaxation on the mere attendance of Catholics at non-Catholic Christian weddings. This is due in part to a modified understanding of ecumenism, and it is also due to a more realistic outlook on how human nature works in an increasingly secular modern world. Marriages between two baptized Protestants are sacramental as far as the Catholic Church is concerned (and it has always considered them to be so), the couple confers the Sacrament on each other, the specific rites surrounding the vows are of secondary importance, and, in any case, the couple, being Protestant, is outside of Catholic jurisdiction anyway. Adding all of that up, the Church has, since the 70’s, reassessed Catholic attendance at such weddings, and allows such attendance. It is still the case, however, that Catholics shouldn't be attending with any official duties at the wedding, though.

Doubtless, some people will still criticize this as far too restrictive. Perhaps there might even be some truth to that. But this is not a matter of doctrine so much as it is a matter of internal discipline. Lines have to be drawn somewhere. This should not be all that hard for non-Catholics to understand. I doubt a good Presbyterian like yourself would attend the wedding of a Hindu friend at all, and certainly not take on any active role in the ceremony. You, thereby, will have drawn a line. Where is the tipping point of that line? I wouldn't presume to know, but the fact is, as a practical matter, there is, in fact, a line you would draw and not cross.

Catholics are called to draw lines, too. Ours are drawn perhaps a little closer in. In no way am I implying that a Presbyterian wedding is no different from a Hindu one! I merely used an “extreme case” to more easily show that almost any Christian draws a line somewhere. Ours is drawn closer in, in large part because we Catholics consider a valid Christian marriage to be a Sacrament, even when, in many cases, the non-Catholic couple and their church do not. Since divorce is, effectively, universally legitimized within Protestantism, it is not a good thing for a Catholic to attend, in an official capacity, a Sacramental wedding that the couple does not doctrinally see as incapable of being dissolved. Some might chafe at this, but it is hoped that non-Catholics might at least understand the need for the Catholic to be clear about his or her “line.” Again, it's a matter of degree, not kind, you all have your own lines to draw, if Christian doctrine would mean anything to you.

As an aside to this, surely you can also see that, as a matter of doctrinal consistency, no Catholic who knows any better would even attend, never mind officially participate in, the wedding of a divorced person of any denomination, Catholic or other. All Christian marriages are Sacramental, and therefore unbreakable bonds exist while both parties still live.

I know, I know. What about “annulments”? In the question of an annulled marriage, the determination is that the marriage never really existed due to several types of circumstances preexisting the wedding ceremony; in such cases, the person is free to marry “again,” because, in the eyes of the Church, it is for the first time. And an invited guest is free to attend. But there aren't really all that many such marriages to worry about.

You may think this is mumbo-jumbo, and no amount of “dialogue” is likely to change your assessment. Even so, a sincere and reasonably knowledgeable Catholic will not participate in any official capacity in a non-Catholic wedding, even if he or she might otherwise legitimately attend it. A sincere and reasonably knowledgeable Catholic will not attend “attempted marriages” between couples where one or both are divorced from valid preexisting marriages. This, in our understanding, is in fidelity to Christ Himself. We draw the line where it is drawn, because, as the Hebrew National hot dog folks might say: “We don't We can't. We have to answer to an even higher...Authority.” You guys generally think along similar lines, at least when it comes to non-Christian marriages. Again, it is a matter of degree, not kind. So the professed “wonderment” that usually attends these discussions is often a bit insincere. I hope you, at least, can see the logic here, even if you disagree with it, or with the exact placement of that “line.”