How to testify

Lds Church News ^ | Sept. 19, 2009

[Graybeard58]

(My BS meter is now broken after reading your post, pardon me while I go get my spare.)

Mod must be snoozing, I got a reply removed for using that phrase, just a couple of days ago.

"potty language"

[DelphiUser]

Now you must remember to us big words, complex (and convoluted) thoughts or you can’t be taken seriously.

In my pedagogic efforts here I commonly refrain from exercising my unabridged vocabulary as it tends to confound the intended audience, but since you sought my participation in in augmenting your lexical capabilities I will, of course, comply with your request for enlightenment, edification, education and enjoyment. (I also enjoy constructing communications containing consecutive consonance as a pastime, but you might have guessed that already.)

[ejonesie22]

Lots of nails....

Long wall...

[svcw]

Have you ever heard the saying “if you can’t dazzle them with your brilliance you baffle them with your....(sorry no potty talk here).

[DelphiUser]

Since we have been asked to display vobabulaic ^(sic) excesses do you think bovine scatology would be an acceptable phrase? (just having fun with words people, nothing to see here, move along...)

Dang, I think I broke the spell checker, it just showed me every word spelled wrong and no corrections...

[MHGinTN]

Different mod from yesterday ... or a protected species at FR.

[DelphiUser]

Have you ever heard the saying “if you can’t dazzle them with your brilliance you baffle them with your....(sorry no potty talk here).

I have also heard that you should be so comfortable prying that you can tell God jokes. That one never has worked for me either, I'll say did you hear the one about... and he just says “yes” before I can go any farther...

[ejonesie22]

I have a coffee mug that says that. Got it as a Graduation present from the professor who was my adviser at college. I wrote several papers for him and always got an “A”...

Not sure what it meant...

[Colofornian]

Mormons are convinced that the only souls, living or dead, who will reach the throne of God MUST be "worthy" in the mormon manner. If THAT isn't damning to hell, I don't know what is. [GF]

I don't think so, but lets say it is, then you add the massive missionary work you just complained about, and the genealogy and temple work to see to it that every man woman and child (not just that live now, but that ever lived) get the opportunity to accept or reject the ordinances needed to save them...Hey ya gotta admit we aren't just saying "everyone else can go to Hell", we are doing something about it, and trying to save as many as will let us.

Well, first of all, Jesus' words to the most prominent religious legalists of his day -- is that they would traverse land & sea to make them "twice the son of hell" as they were. [Yeah, I know, Mormon theology would regard even the most legalistic Pharisees as "brothers of the pre-existence"]

Otherwise, I wouldn't think that the Pharisees trying to do something about their proselyting would get Jesus' endorsement of "Hey, way to give it a college try and 'do something about spreading your religion.'"

Secondly...what do you mean "I don't think so"? What? You don't read your own Doctrine & Covenants? "These are they who received not the gospel of Christ, neither the testimony of Jesus. These are they who deny not the Holy Spirit. These are they who are thrust down to hell...These are they who suffer the vengeance of eternal fire. These are they who are cast down to hell and suffer the wrath of Almighty God..." (D&C 76)

[Elsie]

Was that a YES or a NO?

The Godhead is three personages, one in heart, might, mind and strength. Three become one, and hopefully we become one with them too, at least that is the plan and the purpose of the atonement.

The above sound MIGHTY Trinitarian...

[Elsie]

You were never a member, never had the truth, therefore you cannot be apostate.

I said WE...

---

It takes way more knowledge to become a son of perdition than I have, so you should be safe there too.

Are you saying that I don't KNOW very much?

[Elsie]

If you can't see the difference between missionary work and the specific targeting of a religion to hound, then I can't make you see it either.

Since you mentioned it; just what did Joseph Smith LEARN that was UNTRUE about the PRESBYTERIANism of his day?

[Elsie]

Hey ya gotta admit we aren't just saying "everyone else can go to Hell", we are doing something about it, and trying to save as many as will let us.

I thought you MORMONs didn't HAVE a 'HELL' to go to???

[Elsie]

I added some bolding to my former statement, since I posted the official "canonized" doctrine of the church, if it's not in there... and it's not, then it's not our doctrine.

The things that are done in your Temples are found NOWHERE in your 'Standard Works'; therefore they much be some man's idea.

[Elsie]

There are statements that have been taken out of context, one of which involves Joesph Smith's stamp on people getting into the celestial kingdom has been interpreted that way by people who don't understand the meaning of our words.

If the MORMON Organization® had not CHANGED the meaning of Christian words to their OWN ideas; we'd not have this problem.

Perhaps you can 'interpret' this for us:

 

They succeeded in killing Joseph, but he had finished his work.

He was a servant of God, and gave us the Book of Mormon.

He said the Bible was right in the main, but, through the translators and others, many precious portions were suppressed, and several other portions were wrongly translated; and now his testimony is in force, for he has sealed it with his blood.

As I have frequently told them, no man in this dispensation will enter the courts of heaven, without the approbation of the Prophet Joseph Smith, Jun.

Who has made this so?

Have I?

Have this people?

Have the world?

No; but the Lord Jehovah has decreed it.

If I ever pass into the heavenly courts, it will be by the consent of the Prophet Joseph.

If you ever pass through the gates into the Holy City, you will do so upon his certificate that you are worthy to pass.

Can you pass without his inspection?

No; neither can any person in this dispensation, which is the dispensation of the fulness of times.

In this generation, and in all the generations that are to come, everyone will have to undergo the scrutiny of this Prophet.

They say that they killed Joseph, and they will yet come with their hats under their arms and bend to him; but what good will it do them, unless they repent?

They can come in a certain way and find favor, but will they?

---

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"If I ever pass into heavenly courts, it will be by the consent of Prophet Joseph"
--Brigham Young
--JOURNAL OF DISCOURSES, vol. 8, p. 224

 

 

Just what DOES it mean in non-MORMON speak?

[Elsie]

 

I think I heard that before, hummmm Alice and Wonderland, was it the caterpillar that said something very similar?

 

 

Nope...

 

 

 

'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone,' it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less.'

'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.'

'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master - that's all.'

Alice was too much puzzled to say anything; so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began again. 'They've a temper, some of them - particularly verbs: they're the proudest - adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs - however, I can manage the whole lot of them! Impenetrability! That's what I say!'

[Elsie]

(Really bad analogy alert!)

Bad theology will cause that...

[Elsie]

In my pedagogic efforts here I commonly refrain from exercising my unabridged vocabulary as it tends to confound the intended audience, but since you sought my participation in in augmenting your lexical capabilities I will, of course, comply with your request for enlightenment, edification, education and enjoyment.

Gee!

Lotsa big words, a long sentence and gobs of alleration: all in one tidy space.

---

 

THE

DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS

OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS

SECTION 71

Revelation given to Joseph Smith the Prophet and Sidney Rigdon, at Hiram, Ohio, December 1, 1831. HC 1: 238–239. The Prophet had continued to translate the Bible with Sidney Rigdon as his scribe until this revelation was received, at which time it was temporarily laid aside so as to enable them to fulfill the instruction given herein. The brethren were to go forth to preach in order to allay the unfriendly feelings that had developed against the Church as a result of the publication of some newspaper articles by Ezra Booth, who had apostatized.

1–4, Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon are sent forth to proclaim the gospel; 5–11, Enemies of the saints shall be confounded.

 

1 Behold, thus saith the Lord unto you my servants Joseph Smith, Jun., and Sidney Rigdon, that the time has verily come that it is necessary and expedient in me that you should open your mouths in proclaiming my gospel, the things of the kingdom, expounding the mysteries thereof out of the scriptures, according to that portion of Spirit and power which shall be given unto you, even as I will.

2 Verily I say unto you, proclaim unto the world in the regions round about, and in the church also, for the space of a season, even until it shall be made known unto you.

3 Verily this is a mission for a season, which I give unto you.

4 Wherefore, labor ye in my vineyard. Call upon the inhabitants of the earth, and bear record, and prepare the way for the commandments and revelations which are to come.

5 Now, behold this is wisdom; whoso readeth, let him understand and receive also;

6 For unto him that receiveth it shall be given more abundantly, even power.

7 Wherefore, confound your enemies; call upon them to meet you both in public and in private; and inasmuch as ye are faithful their shame shall be made manifest.

8 Wherefore, let them bring forth their strong reasons against the Lord.

9 Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you—there is no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper;

10 And if any man lift his voice against you he shall be confounded in mine own due time.

11 Wherefore, keep my commandments; they are true and faithful. Even so. Amen.

[Elsie]

I have also heard that you should be so comfortable prying that you can tell God jokes.

Can't get the lid off?

[DelphiUser]

CF: Well, first of all, Jesus' words to the most prominent religious legalists of his day -- is that they would traverse land & sea to make them "twice the son of hell" as they were. [Yeah, I know, Mormon theology would regard even the most legalistic Pharisees as "brothers of the pre-existence"]

Otherwise, I wouldn't think that the Pharisees trying to do something about their proselyting would get Jesus' endorsement of "Hey, way to give it a college try and 'do something about spreading your religion.'"

I honestly have no idea what you are talking about, and I really don't care that much either. From your tone, you are trying to find a pretext to argue, good luck with that.

CF: Secondly...what do you mean "I don't think so"? What? You don't read your own Doctrine & Covenants?

Been there, read it, received here or in the spirit world? I'm sure I can't answer, it's not my place to judge men, but Jesus'.

No one here to my knowledge has denied the Holy Spirit, see my last sentence, not judging.

if you are going to quote Link to the source, it's not that hard, someone might think you were trying to take something out of context. You never know.