Whenever one deals, with Alzheimers patients, regardless of the stage that they are in, there are always many sides, so to speak of that coin....
We had one Alzheimers resident, a very kindly man, whose wife died while he was in our care in the nursing home...he was in late stage Alzheimers, but because he wife visited each and every day, for several hours a day, he remained familiar with her....he just lit up, when she came in to visit...it was obvious how much they loved each other...
Then sadly one day, their son went to visit his mom at home, and found her dead....the son decided to tell his dad, the mom had passed away....even tho the old man was in late stage Alzheimers, he did indeed realize that the love of his life, had died...he went to the funeral, we dressed him all up for the day, and it was so hard on him....
Oddly enough tho, as far into dementia as he was, he still remembered that his wife was dead...you would come in, in the morning to wake him up,and he would just look at you, and say, “She’s dead”, and then he would look so sad...it just broke my heart...he lived for more than a year, after his wife died...when he did die, all I could think of, was, now he will be with his beloved wife, where he has wanted to be ever since she died...
My mom, in late stage dementia, always would ask me, where I was?....I would say, I am right here mom....she would look at me, in the strangest way, and say, “No , You are Shirley(not my name), the special nurse from out of town, sent to care for me....my daughter that I am asking for is only 8 years old”...I guess that was how mom remembered me, as being only 8 years old....not so young, that I needed 24/7 care, but not so old, that she had trouble controlling me....
It is very strange, what remains and what leaves, in the mind of an Alzheimer patient...they are all so different, in so many ways...
We had two residents that filled their days, with re-enacting those things that they loved in real life...one woman had been a concert pianist, and she spent her days, playing her ‘piano’ all day long, on the tables...her fingers never stopped...
Another very tall, very thin lady, used to be a clown, with Ringling Brothers Circus....her family, when they provided her clothing for her time in the nursing home, had nothing but shirts and sweaters, with clowns on them for her......we would get her dressed, and she would immediately head out for one of the full length mirrors in the hall, and then she would begin her clown routine, watch herself, and then either applaud or criticize her performance...
One other touching scene...the Alzheimers wings, are usually locked wings...that is so the Alzheimers patients do not get out onto the other wings, and disrupt the other residents, and also cannot make it to the front door for an escape...you can get onto the wings easily enough, the doors just open....but getting out and off the wing is the problem...there was always a digital lock, with a special code, that had to be entered in order to get the doors to open, to get out...visitors, and staff were given the special code number...
But many of the Alzheimers residents, who were not bedridden, did notice, that in order to get off the ward, you had to do something with that lock....and so sometimes we would find a group of maybe 3-6 of them, gathered round the digitial lock, jabbing at the digital lock, as they had seen us do...one resident would take a turn, when he was eventually unsuccessful, another resident would push him out of the way, and take his turn....and so it would go...they would spend a goodly amount of time, trying to find that combo of numbers, that would set them free...they never did figure it out, there always being the chance that one of them inadvertently would hit the right combo needed to open that lock...
But every single day, that was the mission of some of these Alzheimers residents....it was just part of their daily routine, and we just let them go at it, as we knew that they were safe, and actually seemed to be enjoying themselves, doing something they considered productive...
Alzheimers patients, can drive some people nuts, because the very nature of the disease is so destructive to ones mind...on the other hand, if they cannot be cured, it is best to allow them those small things, which bring them pleasure...
And in the case of your father, you made the right choice for him...each Alheimers patient is so unique, that each family has to make their individual decisions, about how to deal with each new situation as it arises...
I know all this talk about Alzheimers patients has nothing at all to do with this thread...so I apologize for veering off course..
It appears that this thread has enough "vigah" (a la JFK) on its own to withstand highjacking by a bit of sidebar sharing... '-)
~~~~~~
My mother also was the last person my father recognized -- and she did "light up his life" right up to the very end.
I shared that experience of having my Dad fail to recognize me and saying, "My son is a little boy about this (waist) high"...
And, yes, I will be forever grateful that we did not inflict the reality of my mother's passing on my father's final months...
My dad was a brilliant man; I describe watching his decline as,
"Like watching the lights in a great city gradually wink out -- one by one..."
Alzheimers is, indeed, a cruel affliction. Thank you for sharing your experiences with its victims!
I remember a story about a man who visited his wife in the nursing home every day and one day someone asked him why he bothered. “She doesn’t remember you,” she said. “Oh, but I remember HER,” was his reply. Faithfulness is a wonderful trait in a marriage.