Okay, then explain it to me. If God chooses some to be born elect and some not, then perforce some of your family and friends must be in the non-elect. And if the non-elect don’t go to hell then where do they go?
God, from before the foundation of the world, for His own good pleasure in declaring His righteousness, chose some men to redeem by His grace through faith in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Other men He chose to leave in their fallen state.
We know this because 1) Scripture tells us this and 2) this is what happens in life.
Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved." -- Ephesians 1:4-6 "According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:
Some men receive faith, and some men don't. Those who receive faith in Christ are grateful for the gift. And those who don't receive faith in Christ don't even want the gift.
The Bible tells us over and over that we cannot merit salvation; that salvation is all of free, unearned grace. And this is God's call, and not men's. It's only through the gift of the indwelling Holy Spirit who sanctifies us every day of our lives that men are capable of doing anything God-pleasing.
"And he said, Therefore said I unto you, that no man can come unto me, except it were given unto him of my Father." -- John 6:65
I realize this flies in the face of the modernist interpretation of our human will and just how "free" it may or may not be, but that's how it goes. It takes time to remove our humanist blinders and replace them with the glorious, accomplished purpose of God alone.
None of us knows the names of the elect but God. We do, however, have a reasonable, sturdy assurance that if we have received true faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, we are among God's family, the elect.
Since God gave us our children in the first place, we can also be mostly confident our children are part of His family, too.
And if the non-elect don't go to hell then where do they go?
By your question I don't think you understand the definition of "elect."
"And I will bring forth a seed out of Jacob, and out of Judah an inheritor of my mountains: and mine elect shall inherit it, and my servants shall dwell there." -- Isaiah 65;9
"Elect" simply means "of the family of God;" one who has been redeemed by the faith of Christ."
The "elect" will go to heaven when they die, and the "non-elect" will go to hell.
Pretty straight-forward.
The bottom line is that men don't elect themselves; men are elected by God. As God elected the Israelites before Christ, He has now enlarged His elect from one nation to include men from all nations and races, by faith in Christ alone.