Your two denominations are the work of the evil one. Only through squid can one be pure.
Just as the squid casts out its inky blackness, so too will we cast out our inky black sins.
See: my first two theses already.
You can have the ink. With my blue oyster cult I get the pearls of wisdom.
If we’re to have communion, someone will have to figure out how to make wine out of something on this island.
I’ll head up that committee.