If you are asking a psychological or spiritual question . . .
I don't know that there's a lot to reconcile.
We are flawed creatures who see through a glass darkly; the good we would do, we don't; the bad we would avoid, we do. It is our seemingly more abiding state this side of eternity.
IF we are willing, IF WE COOPERATE and IF we ask God, HE WILL cause us to be so much more increasingly conformed to the image of His Son that we do, in fact, begin to love more and more like Him--sometimes in spite of ourselves.
But I have learned, that loving like Jesus is not a unidimensional thing. It is not a flatlander's phenomenon in a multidimensional universe. On the contrary, IT IS MORE MULTIDIMENSIONAL than the universe. And some of those dimensions can be very paradoxical, indeed.
But I don't pretend that my strange life is normative for anyone else. But neither can I allow other folks' 'normative Christian experience' to squeeze my Christian walk into their little box or even their big box. Each of us was created differently for different roles. And some of us were created more UNequal than others.
Even praying earnestly since Jr High and cooperating all those years more or less as well as I knew how . . . learning to Love like God is not an overnight operation, overhaul, learning. And the SEVERITY of the training program is MORE SEVERE than any other Godly training program I've ever heard of.
Rom 5:5 5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
Yet reality says that it is not true.