I know you are being good-naturedly sarcastic, but what you say about breaking it down is correct. :) God already has very specific plans for ALL of us. Even though James and Jude became great Church leaders after the Resurrection, it just wasn't God's plan that they be in charge of Mary's welfare.
Now, who was the ONLY Apostle who wasn't martyred by execution, thus living the longest life? What a coincidence, it was John. Mary could have easily been alive and in need after all of the others were gone. It really does make sense once we break it down. :)
Blogger, a little history will tell you that life on earth for early Christians was not what it is to our society which is in love with the world.
Being martyred was an honor for the earliest followers of Christ. You are interpreting John's longevity as a "reprieve" and a reward. He lived that long in order to complete the Christian canon, to witness the last Revelation, to fulfill his apostolic ministry.
Your theories may be self-pleasing but they are not necessarily true just because they "make sense."
It is too horrible to go back at look at...put your hand to the plow and don't look back, brother