CYBERCOLUMN:
The holy huddle
___Yale professor Jaroslav Pelikan once observed: "Many a congregation looks and acts like a football huddle: You know that a very important conversation is going on, but all you ever see are the behinds."
___Many churches assume the backside-to-anyone-who-is-not-one-of-us formation. The
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| BRETT YOUNGER |
___ Churches welcome guests in a variety of ways. Some pastors begin worship with: "I'd like all of our members to stand. Visitors should stay seated so that we can look down on you." Some congregations ask visitors to fill out cards at the beginning of the service, so they can recognize guests from the pulpit at the end. This has led visiting parents to tell visiting children to put their hands down as ushers distribute the cards. Some churches try to get around this with, "If you are seated next to a visitor, raise their hand." Cards include nametags, which identify the wearer as "Visitor," "Guest," or "Prospective Worker." I once visited a church where the minister told the congregation to tell 10 people, "God loves you, and I do, too" and hug them. My wife, Carol, was the only one to hug me. Lots of people hugged Carol.
___ Compulsory spontaneity may not be the way to go, but a friendly welcome is important. Visitors looking for a church home expect to make friends at church. If we don't speak, then we may give the mistaken impression that we're not fun people.
___ One of the obstacles is knowing who is a visitor and who isn't. We know the fear of asking, "Are you a visitor?" and hearing, "No, I'm a charter member." We are then tempted to say, "You should come more often." It's safer to ask, "Have you been here before?" If they answer "yes," you can say, "I thought you looked familiar." If they say "no," you can respond, "I thought you looked unfamiliar."
___ We need to help one another in identifying visitors. A simple hand signal--perhaps a 'V' would work. We'll need to be careful when signaling, because visitors, like deer, are easily frightened. Sharing information is essential. For example: "That's Sandra. She moved here from Dallas. Don't mention her hair color."
___ It's extremely important to remember visitors' names. I use clever mnemonic devices. If a visitor's name is Victor Vincent I think "Victor, Vincent, and visitor all begin with V." If a guest's name is Jake More, because I am at Lake Shore Baptist Church, I think "Jake More rhymes with Lake Shore." If a visitor's name is Cal Berry, then hope your church's name is Calvary.
___ If you still don't remember a name, don't be embarrassed. Pretend you do. Cleverly cover the fact you don't know the person's name by referring to them as 'Welcomed Guest' until you remember it. When you introduce them you might say, "I know how to pronounce your name, but I like the way you say it." She will, of course, embarrass you by replying, "It's pronounced 'Cindy.'" I once asked, "How do you spell your first name?" It was J-A-C-K.
___ Gracious guests will appreciate almost anything, but there are things you shouldn't say: "Why are you here?" "You're sitting in my chair." "Are you a tither?" "We really need some new blood." "Would you like to sing with the choir?"
___ If you are stuck, try one of these, "Would you like to come to my Sunday School class? We have some real characters." (This works with most classes.) "A group of us go to lunch after church. Would you like to join us? We'll share our fries." "Could I introduce you to our pastor or Cal Berry?"
___ It would also be helpful if visitors would act like visitors. Guests should arrive five minutes before Sunday School begins. (This will clearly mark them as visitors.) Proper guests act confused--as though the size of the building has bewildered them. Questions like "Where is the rest room?" clearly identify visitors. When someone says, "Hi, how are you?" thoughtful guests respond: "I'm fine. It's kind of you to ask since I'm a visitor." Guests should say their name more than once as in: "Hi, I'm Marilyn. Most people call me Marilyn. You can call me Marilyn. Did I mention that I'm a visitor?"
___ If we all work together, then our churches will become more welcoming communities, and if not, suggest Jake More move to Waco. I can remember his name.
___ Brett Younger is pastor of Lake Shore Baptist Church in Waco.