"so here we have you, Luther and Calvin, all believers in Sola Scriptura, concluding different things based on the scripture alone. You don't find your methods cheesy?"
Not really. We are all commanded to "study to show ourselves approved" and to "work our our OWN salvation with fear and trembling." They theirs, me mine, and you yours. God will make the final judment as to who is correct and who is not. We will be judged as individuals, not based on the sign above the door of the church we attend nor tradition nor the teachings of the so called experts.
Well, it is a good thing you realize that Sola Scriptura will not save you. I agree, like any superstition, it won't.