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You said:
"I think the water in this context is evidence of a pouring out of God's spirit."

If what you say is true, then Jesus basically said that you have to be "born of the spirit and the spirit". This makes no sense, does it? The greek word that is translated "water" in this passage is "hudor". It's only meaning is just what is translated as, water. It never means pouring out. Jesus could have used "epicheo" which means "to pour upon". Or he could have used "cheo" which means "to pour". It is obvious from the word that Christ chose that actual water is meant in this passage. Suggesting otherwise is not being honest with the Scriptures.

So what constitutes a legitimate baptism (i.e. a baptism worthy of salvation)?

Do we need to be immersed, sprinkled, doused? Is there a minimum requirement? Who must perform a baptism to ensure it's effectiveness - a pastor, a priest, an elder, any other Christian? What purity of water is legitimate - saltwater, fresh water, 51 % water and 49% other?

What must be said during the baptism? Does anything need to be spoken by the baptizer or the baptizee?

These seem to be very important questions since my salvation hinges on a proper administration of baptism...