If Adam had a blog

Punditry from paradise ^ | Adam (yeah THAT Adam)

[Polycarp]

email me at adam@gardenofeden.com About Me: Book of Genesis Reviews: Adam was created in my Image and is good -God Web Rings I belong to: Eden Rings << Random >> First Man Rings << Random >> What I am reading: No books written yet What I am listening to: Still no music to listen to	Day 5 Hi my name is Adam and this is my weblog. Don't be fooled by my apparent age, I wasn't born yesterday; in fact it was earlier today. Being the only person in a generation is difficult, I have to be a role model to myself. And it is kind of hard to define myself so I have dubbed my generation Gen X or since it is the first Genesis X. I was created fully formed as an adult so I got to miss out on my rebellious teenage years, which is a good thing since I didn't have a mother and father to rebel against. This blog will be about life and things that I like.
	Posted by Adam at 02:30 [Link] [Comment]
	Day 7 Not much going on today. God took a rest and encouraged me to do the same.
	Posted by Adam at 05:22 [Link] [Comment]
	Dating Entries I have decided against using a date based system for my blog posts. Day 9, 2000, 3200, and etc just doesn't convey much information and I guess I will have to wait till someone invents the concept of months and days. Even God stopped counting after day seven and I guess I will do the same.
	Posted by Adam at 06:03 [Link] [Comment]
	On Paradise One thing about being a pundit in the Garden of Eden, is that well it is difficult finding stories to comment upon. Weather still perfect is not exactly a headline. I can't even do any confessional writing yet since my will and intellect are integrated and I haven't chosen to commit something theoretically called a sin.
	Posted by Adam at 18:22 [Link] [Comment]
	Sitemeter I have installed Sitemeter now to try to generate some traffic to my blog and to see how many come to my site. I also thought about including a guest map, maybe latter.
	Posted by Adam at 17:35 [Link] [Comment]
	Strange Comments I was rather surprised today to find some comments left on my blog. They used a lot of four letter words that I don't remember inventing and then they invited me to place my body into weird positions and to kiss something. I really thought I was the only intelligent life on this planet? I will have to talk to God about this later. Update: God told me that this type of commenter is called a Troll and that they are not intelligent life.
	Posted by Adam at 02:23 [Link] [Comment]
	New Job I got this job where I get to name all the cattle, birds of the air, and beasts in the field. It doesn't pay much, well actually nothing, and there doesn't seem to be any benefit plan attached. At least it keeps me busy and it is good intellectual work. The job is actually harder than you would think at first appearance. For example just look at a four legged animal with an extremely long neck and orange spots and right off the top of you head give it a name. At first I came up with naming it four-legged-animal-with-an-extremely-long-neck-and-orange-spots, but that just seemed a little cumbersome over time. I finally settled on giraffe, just don't ask me why.
	Posted by Adam at 18:45 [Link] [Comment]
	Blog readers I was getting kind of down that nobody was reading my blog and I first thought that maybe my writing was a little self indulgent being that it was always about me. Being the first man and having been made out of dust you would think that would confer some kind of celebrity status, but I guess not. Upon further reflection I realize that the problems is that God created all of these creatures who are not capable of appreciating my writing so I am going to ask the big guy to maybe create some blog readers. Update: God told me "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
	Posted by Adam at 20:05 [Link] [Comment]
	Be careful what you ask God I was walking in the garden today and I started to feel really sleepy. I laid down to take a nap and fell into a deep sleep to wake up some unknown hours later. When I woke up I was missing a rib and my new helper was there. It is hard to describe my new partner, looks much like me but significantly different in some parts of the anatomy. Overall I am pretty impressed and I had to create something which I called poetry to describe this event. So here goes: This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. I named her Eve and she didn't seem to object. So far so good. I also now have this strange compulsion to tell mother-in-law jokes which is kind of strange considering that neither of us has mothers.
	Posted by Adam at 02:25 [Link] [Comment]
	Be fruitful and multiply God charged Eve and I to be fruitful and multiply. Now I have no problems about filling the earth with more people and I would gratefully oblige God's wish. The only problem is now that I got this job I don't want to just fall into deep sleeps since I might get fired and also I have only so many ribs. Update: God assured me that rib-taking is not going to be the reproductive process and that I would probably enjoy being fruitful and multiplying.
	Posted by Adam at 22:15 [Link] [Comment]
	Lease Agreement Today Eve and I signed a lease agreement for the Garden of Eden. The small print on the contract was rather odd and it said. You may freely eat of every tree of the garden; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall die I guess I shouldn't object since we get to live in paradise for free and avoiding the fruit of one tree should be no big deal.
	Posted by Adam at 08:52 [Link] [Comment]
	New Blog I invite you to go and read my wife's new blog called InstaRib.
	Posted by Adam at 02:25 [Link] [Comment]
	Referrals Today I got some hits from a site called nihil obstat. This site corrected me on the spelling of some words I had used to describe animals. Pretty arrogant since I made up those words first so how could I misspell them? Now I know this site was not created by myself or my wife Eve so I am trying to figure out who did this anonymous site. I am suspicious of the thing I called a snake. It has been following my wife around recently. Since a snake is not an intelligent animal it would be capable of hissing at things (criticism) only and not be able to generate it's own content.
	Posted by Adam at 02:25 [Link] [Comment]
	Good and Evil This was not a very good day. That snake I posted about earlier talked my wife into eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. My wife came to me with the fruit and told me she had ate of it and that she didn't die. Well surely if she could eat of it, then I could do the same with no problem. I thought why should I not be able to have the knowledge of good and evil. And once I find out what it is why shouldn't I then decide what is to be called good and what is to be called evil. After all I was created in God's image, why can't I also do as he does. That would be real equality. Well I bit into that fruit and my eyes were opened and I realized my wife and I were both standing around outside naked. This was extremely embarrassing.
	Posted by Adam at 23:55 [Link] [Comment]
	Clothing I found some fig leaves and fashioned some clothing out of them for my wife and I. She wasn't very appreciative, said something about them not being in the latest fashion. Well I got to go now to do something called shopping. Seems my wife doesn't have any shoes that match the fig leave clothes I made.
	Posted by Adam at 09:11 [Link] [Comment]
	Cursed I saw God coming toward us in the garden. We tried to hide, but he found us anyway. My advice is don't waste your time trying to hide from somebody who has omnipresence. God told us: "Because you have done this, cursed are you above all cattle, and above all wild animals; upon your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life. I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel." To my wife he said: "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you" And to me he said: "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, `You shall not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth to you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return." God was kind enough to make us some new clothes out of animal skins, but again Eve has no shoes to match so it's back to shopping.
	Posted by Adam at 09:11 [Link] [Comment]
	Moving Day Since we broke the terms of our lease for the Garden of Eden, our landlord (God) is kicking us out. If you ever have God as a landlord, don't upset him. If you upset most landlords they will evict you and place a padlock on the door. After leaving Eden I realized I had left a box of my stuff in the garden. I went back to the entrance east of eden to go back in but now there were security guard cherubim and a flaming sword blocking the entrance.
	Posted by Adam at 12:25 [Link] [Comment]
	Congratulations are in order I knew my wife and now she has conceived and we are looking forward to the birth. Eve's stomach is getting larger and she is getting concerned about child birth and all, especially god talking about multiplying the pain of childbirth. I told her not to worry. When God took my rib I just had a deep sleep and maybe she would just be sleeping longer.
	Posted by Adam at 19:21 [Link] [Comment]
	Cain is born! Our first son was born today . Pretty amazing experience. My wife shouted out: "I have gotten a man with the help of the LORD." I thought that was rather incoherent, but after what she went through I can't blame her.
	Posted by Adam at 02:48 [Link] [Comment]
	Our Family is growing! Eve is pregnant with our second child. She is rather mad at me and says she doesn't want to go through that pain of childbirth again. I told her it was her own fault for handing me that fruit. That if she hadn't eaten of it then childbirth wouldn't have been painful. She didn't appreciate the argument I made, so now I have to go invent something called a couch to sleep on.
	Posted by Adam at 01:01 [Link] [Comment]
	First Sacrifice Our son Able looked so cute today in his little sacrificial outfit as he brought some fat portions for the Lord. Cain didn't look none to happy as we praised Able for his offering. I think there might be trouble brewing between the two of them. Every time I ask Cain where his brother is is talks back in a snotty tone of voice "Am I my brothers keeper?
	Posted by Adam at 05:29 [Link] [Comment]
	Work I haven't been doing much posting lately wIth all this tilling the land stuff. I just don't have much time for blogging anymore. I come home way to tired to write so I am going to be posting a lot less frequently. To borrow some of the Lord's words, Let there be light blogging.
	Posted by Adam at 01:48 [Link] [Comment]
	Rare Blog Update It's been a couple thousand of years since I last updated my blog. I recently got an advance copy of Moses's scroll called Genesis. I wasn't very pleased with how I was portrayed and I considered suing him for defamation of character. You don' know what it is like always being blamed for original sin, always being the original fall guy. Update: God told me not to feel so down and he informed me that in the future that something called the Exultet would praise my mistake. O happy fault which gained for us so great a Redeemer! Now that's more like it
	Posted by Adam at 05:09 [Link] [Comment]

[Polycarp]

Worth a look, if you need a little laugh. Ping.

[foreverfree]

bump

[Canticle_of_Deborah]

Funny stuff!

[Cheapskate]

That is Very cool! I'm thinking that a blog like this could really be used to send the good news of the Gospel?
Especally if it's not heavy handed.

[4mycountry]

Update: God told me that this type of commenter is called a Troll and that they are not intelligent life.

ROTFLOL!! As a Viking Kittie, I can tell you, THAT is FUNNY!!

[MHGinTN]

I set up a blog page, on a dare from a Freeperette. As far as I can tell, not one person has even been to it except me. It is a waste of time and words.

[Cheapskate]

Orders from God

"Thou shall suffer no Troll to live; It is an abomination!!!"

[NeoCaveman]

Update: God told me that this type of commenter is called a Troll and that they are not intelligent life.

And then Lord said "thy shall zot the troll mercilessly" or something like that because "you are his overlord"

[Romulus]

God charged Eve and I...

I suppose I could understand the presence of grammatical howlers like this after the Fall, but it's hard to believe a man in a state of perfect grace could say something like this.