New Book Reveals How Much Grandparents Matter in Kids' Lives

Agape Press-Christian News Service ^ | 8/04/03 | Allie Martin

[GrandMoM]

An expert on seniors says grandparents need to know the powerful influence they have on the lives of their grandchildren.

In his new book, The Grandparent Factor (Baxter Press, 2003), author Phil Waldrep looks at the pivotal role grandparents can play in children's lives, and outlines five principles to help grandparents make a difference.

Waldrep says he wants to help people understand that the greatest moral force in the life of most kids today is a grandparent, a fact that his own research authenticates. The author cites one revealing experience when he worked for two weeks with members of a Boys and Girls club.

"Many of these kids were not in church, and I came to realize that they really don't trust their parents -- but they trust their grandparents. And many grandparents do not realize the power that they have to help form the moral character of their grandchildren," Waldrep says.

The senior adults expert also discusses a study that focused on the reactions of children to the events of September 11, 2001. The study found that a majority of elementary age children turned to their grandparents for comfort that terrible day.

According to Waldrep, the study shows how important grandparents can be in giving children a sense of stability and safety. He explains that children often grow up hearing their grandparents' stories of surviving events such as the Korean War, Vietnam, and other historical conflicts and crises, so they turn to their grandparents to hear that things will be alright.

"Mom and Dad may not really communicate, but Grandma and Grandpa -- they have gone through crises before," Waldrep says. And this is what happened in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks on 9-11, according to the author. "Elementary kids across America turned to their grandparents to hear them say, 'It's going to be okay. You don't have to worry,'" he says.

Many people might suppose that these findings are obvious -- especially those whose own families have always emphasized the role of grandparents. However, recent events suggest that not everyone takes the significance of grandparents for granted.

Associated Press reports that Michigan's highest court has recently ruled that grandparents have no right to visit their grandchildren if a parent does not want them to. The 6-1 state Supreme Court decision upheld an appeals court ruling that the state law (supporting a grandparent's visitation rights) is unconstitutional. The case involves a dispute between Theresa Seymour and her former mother-in-law, Catherine DeRose, over whether the grandmother could visit with Seymour's daughter.

In 1997 Seymour's ex-husband pleaded guilty to first-degree criminal sexual conduct involving a child -- not his own -- and was sentenced to 12 to 20 years in prison. Seymour filed for divorce and was awarded sole custody of their daughter. The wife did not want her husband's mother to have contact with the child, but a judge granted DeRose visitation privileges. However, an appeals court vacated that decision last year, and the Michigan Supreme Court has now upheld that ruling.

Waldrep hopes The Grandparent Factor will communicate to everyone, including grandparents themselves, the importance of their presence and influence in the lives of young people.

[Miss Marple]

What a wonderful thread! I have three grandchildren, and they are the joys of my life! (I am the person who hands out fudgies and popsicles like there is no tomorrow, sending them home with a sugar high...lol).

I also had "city grandparents" and "country grandparents." My city grandad taught me barroom ditties from the twenties and taught me how to make a pressman's hat out of newspaper. My country grandpa taught me how to milk cows and took me to church (they were teetotalers and teachers). I loved hearing the old stories, and I pass them on to my own grandchildren, which means that my grandson, who is 7, hears stories about my own granfather homesteading in South Dakota in a sod cabin, or my city grandad hanging up the headlines in the newspaper window when the Titanic sank.

Grandchildren are a way to pass our history forward. But most importantly, they are to be loved.

[Howlin]

I have Wet Ones, will that do? I also have raisins and Cheerios in my pocketbook, just like you do, I am sure.

[Howlin]

I once saw my mother's mother ring a chicken's neck. After that, believe me, the grandchildren gave her NO problems.

[Carolinamom]

THIS Grandma loved it! I just got a call from one of my grown grandsons wishing me a happy birthday. He signed off with "I love you, Grandma." I can float for a week on that sentence alone.

[Howlin]

Well, happy birthday from one old granny to another!

[Miss Marple]

My grandmother the country schoolteacher KILLED SNAKES! With a hoe! Showed NO MERCY!

She had the best disciplined fifth grade in the entire county. LOL!

[Carolinamom]

My own grandmother died when I was 6. As the oldest grandchild, I'm the only one who remembers her. She was a semi-invalid who taught me to cut out her quilting squares for her, and I remember being so pleased and proud when she told my mother that I could dust as well as she could. She always had tea cakes for me to eat, and in August I spent a lot of time under the Concord Grape arbor!

[Carolinamom]

Would you believe a 29-year-old (and holding) grandmother whose grandchildren are ages 8-20?!!! (I thought not, but I thought I'd lie a little. LOL)

[Brad’s Gramma]

Hello! Can you hear me NOW?

THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!



OK...I've taught him to spit the straw wrappers at me in a restaurant. He KNOWS he had better NOT do that with Mom. (I'd be D-E-A-D!)

OH! And we're raising a male chauvenist pig. He knows to open doors for women. I won't go into a building if I'm with him until he opens it for me.

[Brad’s Gramma]

(I am the person who hands out fudgies and popsicles like there is no tomorrow, sending them home with a sugar high...lol).

GASP! J/K GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!

[GrandMoM]

do you think we will ever get to the time when elderly parents live in their kid's house?....sad to say, things are different now and I really want to put that burden on my children. My husband and I bought Home Health Care insurane so we don't have to go to a convelesant home or our children's home, we can die in our own. It's kind of like hospice, but we pay for it. I am hoping they will be around alot when that happens though.

[tiki]

Believe me, I want the children in my life your ex-inlaws don't know what they missed. I could never deny my grandchildren just because I didn't like one of their parents. I thank my daughter-in-law for letting me have them even though she does fight my son she gives in and I share them with her relatives who live locally whenever they visit me. I don't think anyone can have too much love and I would never deprive my grandchildren if I could help it.

[GrandMoM]

My grandmother the country schoolteacher KILLED SNAKES! With a hoe! Showed NO MERCY! She had the best disciplined fifth grade in the entire county. LOL!....ewe, I can see why!!!!!!

[cherry]

another aspect...really very sad one....is that a lot of people do not have very involved grandparents...

while I knew and loved and respected my grandparents, my kids and their cousins have a very limited relationship with a certain set of grandparents...

its not a money thing...they have plenty...its not time...been retired since my kids were very little with lots and lots of time.....and its not distance....just a short drive away...

but let's face up to a reality...some people are just selfish in doling out their time, let alone their money....

its sad because none of the cousins have learned much respect for the grandfolks....its their loss.....

otoh......I swear on a stack of Bibles that if God grants my kids children, I will if allowed be very very involved and helpful...with the emphasize on helpful....

young people need our knowledge, our wisdom and sometimes our money lol to get on in life....

[Brad’s Gramma]

I have Wet Ones, will that do? I also have raisins and Cheerios in my pocketbook, just like you do, I am sure.

Ha! We should have a contest as to how many crayons roll around in the bottom of our purses at any given time.

I would win!

[Howlin]

Well, I got the latest Play Doh "fall" kit today.......LOL. Leaves and all that good stuff!

[GrandMoM]

....I wish my mothr-in-law would have been like you, I really loved that woman, and her son also, but, the split personality thing, nice guy one minute, then slaping me around the next got old after 15 years. He wouldn't get help.

[Howlin]

Ask yourself this: what good could a kid learn from a grandparent that selfish?

[Brad’s Gramma]

Oh! That reminds me of that recipe I posted on the Dose...but haven't even tried yet.

It's the cookie recipe where the dough looks like Play-Doh.

Did you see it and use it yet? I'll try to find it again...