New Book Reveals How Much Grandparents Matter in Kids' Lives

Agape Press-Christian News Service ^ | 8/04/03 | Allie Martin

[GrandMoM]

An expert on seniors says grandparents need to know the powerful influence they have on the lives of their grandchildren.

In his new book, The Grandparent Factor (Baxter Press, 2003), author Phil Waldrep looks at the pivotal role grandparents can play in children's lives, and outlines five principles to help grandparents make a difference.

Waldrep says he wants to help people understand that the greatest moral force in the life of most kids today is a grandparent, a fact that his own research authenticates. The author cites one revealing experience when he worked for two weeks with members of a Boys and Girls club.

"Many of these kids were not in church, and I came to realize that they really don't trust their parents -- but they trust their grandparents. And many grandparents do not realize the power that they have to help form the moral character of their grandchildren," Waldrep says.

The senior adults expert also discusses a study that focused on the reactions of children to the events of September 11, 2001. The study found that a majority of elementary age children turned to their grandparents for comfort that terrible day.

According to Waldrep, the study shows how important grandparents can be in giving children a sense of stability and safety. He explains that children often grow up hearing their grandparents' stories of surviving events such as the Korean War, Vietnam, and other historical conflicts and crises, so they turn to their grandparents to hear that things will be alright.

"Mom and Dad may not really communicate, but Grandma and Grandpa -- they have gone through crises before," Waldrep says. And this is what happened in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks on 9-11, according to the author. "Elementary kids across America turned to their grandparents to hear them say, 'It's going to be okay. You don't have to worry,'" he says.

Many people might suppose that these findings are obvious -- especially those whose own families have always emphasized the role of grandparents. However, recent events suggest that not everyone takes the significance of grandparents for granted.

Associated Press reports that Michigan's highest court has recently ruled that grandparents have no right to visit their grandchildren if a parent does not want them to. The 6-1 state Supreme Court decision upheld an appeals court ruling that the state law (supporting a grandparent's visitation rights) is unconstitutional. The case involves a dispute between Theresa Seymour and her former mother-in-law, Catherine DeRose, over whether the grandmother could visit with Seymour's daughter.

In 1997 Seymour's ex-husband pleaded guilty to first-degree criminal sexual conduct involving a child -- not his own -- and was sentenced to 12 to 20 years in prison. Seymour filed for divorce and was awarded sole custody of their daughter. The wife did not want her husband's mother to have contact with the child, but a judge granted DeRose visitation privileges. However, an appeals court vacated that decision last year, and the Michigan Supreme Court has now upheld that ruling.

Waldrep hopes The Grandparent Factor will communicate to everyone, including grandparents themselves, the importance of their presence and influence in the lives of young people.

[GrandMoM]

My Grandparents are some of the biggest influences in my life. ....so many posters said the same thing, that is so great to know, it gives us grandparents hope are grandchildren will remember us and the things we taught them.

[At _War_With_Liberals]

I grew up in a new jersey 2 family home with my grandparents living upstairs. For 18 years we shared that house and the impact of having them there was incredible.

They were great people and I was blessed. I could write a book about the beautiful times we shared.

[tiki]

The senior adults expert also discusses a study that focused on the reactions of children to the events of September 11, 2001. The study found that a majority of elementary age children turned to their grandparents for comfort that terrible day.

My oldest granddaughter came to me first thing.

This is good to hear because 2 of my grandchildren are being raised in a broken home. They live with my son 90% of the time and spend time with their mother when she wants them. They live away from me and except for phone calls and 1 week at Christmas, 2 or 3 in summer and a few weekends I don't get to be an everyday part of their lives. I am so lucky that the other 2 live about half a block from me and I see them almost everyday.

[GrandMoM]

They were great people and I was blessed. I could write a book about the beautiful times we shared.....maybe you should. Why not tell us some here? We love grandparent stories!

[Brad’s Gramma]

I know you shouldn't whine.....but under the circumstances, 1 mile is a LONG LONG WAY AWAY!!!!

I've always said it was OK if they moved out, as long as it was no more than 2-3 houses away. I think that's a wonderful compromise!

[Howlin]

I know one day your grandmother was watching over you.

[Brad’s Gramma]

OK fess up everyone...

I've taught Brad how to eat an Oreo and "get rid of the evidence". I'm not allowed to give him cookie dough so I substituted that.....

What have YOU done??????

BTW, this thread is blocked for all parents of small children. Be gone. Poof. Ta Ta!

[Howlin]

And it's hard to describe the INTENSE love you feel, isn't it?

Is this the Stupid Grandma thread? If so, sign me up!

[Howlin]

Whoops.....forgot you!

[Brad’s Gramma]

Stupid? HAHAHAHAHA

[theophilusscribe]

I love my Grandmother. When I bought my house, I had her move in with me. She took care of me when I was little, and I'm honored to return the favor. She's an awesome blessing! :o)

1 Timothy 5:4—But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.

1 Timothy 5:16—If any woman who is a believer has widows in her family, she should help them and not let the church be burdened with them, so that the church can help those widows who are really in need.

[GrandMoM]

This is good to hear because 2 of my grandchildren are being raised in a broken home. ....that's sad, I know, I was a single mother with three children. I lost a very dear mother-in-law and the children a great grandmom because she wanted no part of us after the divorce. I can't say I blame her for not liking me because I divorced her son, but not wanting the children, was harder to understand.

[Howlin]

I'm on your side.

When my husband divorced his first wife, HIS parents practically took "custody" of his two daughters, 16 and 18. She told them that they didn't have to come to OUR house if they didn't want to or if they didn't like me, that they could go to HER house and still see their daddy.

We played along for a while, seeing his children only at his parents' house; when we realized that it was damaging our relationship with his children, we stopped playing the game and giving his parents that power over us and our relationship with them.

We just dropped out; eventually the kids came to us on OUR terms and now we have a wonderful relationship with his girls and their children, much to the dismay of HIS parents.

I know one thing: I'd NEVER take the side of my grandchildren over our children. EVER.

[Howlin]

You'd fight your own child?

[cherry]

"....the need for both parents working these days to keep their head above the water"

...and one reason for that is the worker nation has such a heavy, brutal tax burden that people think they have to work, and work, and work to get ahead to pay for the retirement benefits of the "grandmothers and grandfathers"...

[GrandMoM]

Is this the Stupid Grandma thread? If so, sign me up!....yeah, join in, but bring a nappie cause were all droolin and gushin!

[COBOL2Java]

Click on the picture, you'll be taken to Amazon.com to purchase it :-)

[Howlin]

We have four under 3 -- unless you count my husband, aka "The Instigator" -- as the fifth.

We let them get their shoes wet in puddles and basically do whatever they want to do the entire time they're here; and we laugh at almost every single word they do. It's quite embarassing.

Okay....story time: our 2 and a half year old asked his mother the other day "What's that?" and pointed to a telephone poll; she told him that it was a telephone poll.

When she turned around to put the baby in the car, she turned around just in time to see him putting his ear up to the telephone pole and saying "Hello?"

(Now a grandparent will LOVE that story!)

[cherry]

I was so lucky to have my grandmother in our house when we were little...she died when she was 68 and the few years she lived with us will always be cherished....

from her, I learned respect for my elders...because she was so good to us, how could we ever hurt her?

I had a step-grandfather who we all loved as well....and his wife, our other grandmother...all these grandfolks were differant in many ways, but each gave us "something" to rely on.....

I can remember the day my father climbed the stairs to ask my grandmother if he could borronw $500 for a downpayment on a car...I was sitting on the floor in the room, and I still remmeber the mutual respect shown....I am talking 45 yrs ago...such was the lasting impression....

do you think we will ever get to the time when elderly parents live in their kid's house?....

[WaterDragon]

I agree. It's up to grandparents to build or maintain a relationship with the grandkids parents to ensure access to the kids.