New Book Reveals How Much Grandparents Matter in Kids' Lives

Agape Press-Christian News Service ^ | 8/04/03 | Allie Martin

[GrandMoM]

An expert on seniors says grandparents need to know the powerful influence they have on the lives of their grandchildren.

In his new book, The Grandparent Factor (Baxter Press, 2003), author Phil Waldrep looks at the pivotal role grandparents can play in children's lives, and outlines five principles to help grandparents make a difference.

Waldrep says he wants to help people understand that the greatest moral force in the life of most kids today is a grandparent, a fact that his own research authenticates. The author cites one revealing experience when he worked for two weeks with members of a Boys and Girls club.

"Many of these kids were not in church, and I came to realize that they really don't trust their parents -- but they trust their grandparents. And many grandparents do not realize the power that they have to help form the moral character of their grandchildren," Waldrep says.

The senior adults expert also discusses a study that focused on the reactions of children to the events of September 11, 2001. The study found that a majority of elementary age children turned to their grandparents for comfort that terrible day.

According to Waldrep, the study shows how important grandparents can be in giving children a sense of stability and safety. He explains that children often grow up hearing their grandparents' stories of surviving events such as the Korean War, Vietnam, and other historical conflicts and crises, so they turn to their grandparents to hear that things will be alright.

"Mom and Dad may not really communicate, but Grandma and Grandpa -- they have gone through crises before," Waldrep says. And this is what happened in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks on 9-11, according to the author. "Elementary kids across America turned to their grandparents to hear them say, 'It's going to be okay. You don't have to worry,'" he says.

Many people might suppose that these findings are obvious -- especially those whose own families have always emphasized the role of grandparents. However, recent events suggest that not everyone takes the significance of grandparents for granted.

Associated Press reports that Michigan's highest court has recently ruled that grandparents have no right to visit their grandchildren if a parent does not want them to. The 6-1 state Supreme Court decision upheld an appeals court ruling that the state law (supporting a grandparent's visitation rights) is unconstitutional. The case involves a dispute between Theresa Seymour and her former mother-in-law, Catherine DeRose, over whether the grandmother could visit with Seymour's daughter.

In 1997 Seymour's ex-husband pleaded guilty to first-degree criminal sexual conduct involving a child -- not his own -- and was sentenced to 12 to 20 years in prison. Seymour filed for divorce and was awarded sole custody of their daughter. The wife did not want her husband's mother to have contact with the child, but a judge granted DeRose visitation privileges. However, an appeals court vacated that decision last year, and the Michigan Supreme Court has now upheld that ruling.

Waldrep hopes The Grandparent Factor will communicate to everyone, including grandparents themselves, the importance of their presence and influence in the lives of young people.

[Howlin]

You're 29 again this year? Hmm.......me, too!

[Brad’s Gramma]

My sister sent this to me, she's made it, I haven't. The notes on here are from her.

Crisp Pastel Cookies
3/4 c. shortening
1/2 c. sugar
1 pkg. (3 oz) fruit flavored jello
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 c. flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt

Heat oven to 400. Mix shortening, sugar, jello, eggs, and vanilla. Stir in remaining ingredients. Shape dough into 3/4 inch balls. Place on ungreased cookie sheet. Flatten with bottom of glass dipped in sugar. (I USED COLORED CHRISTMAS SUGAR!!! IT WAS REAL PURTY!) Bake 6 - 8 minutes.

[Howlin]

I'd like that!

[cherry]

I don't really mean sick or invalid parents, even though my grandmother died of cancer while living in our house....we had three bedrooms for the entire rest of the family of which there was 8, and it was crowded!!!!!

but for elders and their children to live together would mean certain things....

#1 the father is the head of the household...not the grandfather...

#2 no interference in raising the kids....#3 dissrespect for grandma and grandpa would not be tolerated....

we have grown into such a "Me first" and "my way or the highway" and "the hell with you " attitude among All people, that yes, it could be very difficult to do....

[cherry]

not much....

but its hurtful to me...because I believe family is the most important thing....

you can lecture your kids all you want about forgiving other people, but they know inside when they have been slighted....

[Howlin]

Read my post above about my in-laws; there comes a point where you just have to realize that the only person it's bothering is you and you have to let it go.

Some people are just jerks.

[Howlin]

She has whatever rights YOU give her, nothing more. And the courts should BUTT out.

[doberville]

Whippersnappers! Does that make anybody else besides me think of GABBY HAYES?!!

Lordy, it's been a LONG time since I thought about him and . . .Roy Rogers.

[Carolinamom]

RE #111.......how sad for you. She'll regret it one of these days IMHO.

[Howlin]

I bet my husband's mother is worse than she is.......LOL. She's the biggest manipulator I have EVER known; to this day, she has a "private" Christmas dinner and gift exchange with his kids and NOT us. You see, the point is that SHE has to be in charge. If she only knew the kids hate it when she whines and manipulatest them......oh, what am I saying...........she wouldn't care!

[Judith Anne]

When the kids were here with the grandkids the first time, I put M&Ms on their Cheerios...

They come down to the farm and play and play...they plant seeds, they pick flowers, they weed, they play in the hose, they have picnics in the pergola, they listen to ghost stories around a fire at night in the yard, sitting on quilts...I hand-wrote books for each one, when their moms were pregnant, telling each one stories about their parents when they were kids, telling about everything that has been invented since I was born, about family members in the service, and what they did, about how pretty their moms were and how proud their dads were, when they were on the way...

We picked the Fourth of July as our biggest family holiday...this past year, each and every grandkid sang with the Lee Greenwood CD, "God bless the USA," with their hands folded in prayer, standing up, faces shining...they learned the words, even the three yo, Bethany...

We decorated a big cake to look like a flag...our flag was flying, and we pledged allegiance as a family (tears come to my eyes as I remember), we played John Phillip Sousa marches and other patriotic music as the guys set off the fireworks...the neighbors joined us in the afternoon, brought their horses (and THEIR grandkids) and gave everyone rides...they spent endless hours (literally from dawn to past dark) on the east deck playing with our 6 week old kittens (and took three home--whoopee!)

Grandpa takes them to the workshop and teaches them about squares and levels and plumb lines and how to hammer nails and use a screwdriver...

The days with the grandkids are priceless...from ME they learned about homemade cakes, and boiled cocoa, and how to tell when fudge is done...

Once when my kids were little, I made a sweet roll recipe that didn't turn out...I called them "failures" and the kids loved them, ugly as they were, used to ask me if we could make some failures again...imagine my surprise when the youngest grandson asked me if we could please make some "failures"!

[Brad’s Gramma]

That's absolutely beautiful. All of it.

Can you make failures again? HAHAHAHAHAAAAA

[Judith Anne]

My mother in law didn't like me for about 20 years...she had another girl picked out for my husband...seriously....there was a lot of conflict between us, and I refused to allow her to treat me badly--I removed myself from any contact with her...but I always told our children that she loved them with all her heart (she did)and that it isn't children's business or concern if grownups don't agree.

We reconciled 10 years before her death, when she apologized for all her hatefulness over the years...it came out of the blue, and it lasted and grew into love between us...

[Carolinamom]

Thanks for sharing this. Your grandkids are soooooooooo lucky and will always remember their childhoods at their grandparents' house and YOU!

Those memories help to shape them when they grow up. Once, one my kids, laughing w/her brothers and sisters over some of things they did in childhood, turned to me and said, "Oh, Momma, we had the MOST fun growing up!"

[sarasmom]

That sucks, but is more common than a lot of people think.
Loving Grandparents are special.I know, I had three myself, although one died when I was five.
The other one, the "other" grandmother, defined viscious, vindictive,bigotted, abusive and hypocritical...well you get the point.And she was the one I had to endure at least once a week.
I saw my other grandparents a total of six times in my entire life.I treasure each memory, and I still miss both of them, after 25 years.
God bless all loving grandparents.
I would go underground before I allowed my child to endure the "bad" type of grandmother.
She has two "good" grandparents( they love her), and I am always at their disposal to let her visit whenever they want to see her.
They are not my parents. sigh.