Hillary's History (P.J. O'Rourke reviews 'Living History')

The Weekly Standard ^ | 07/14/03 | P.J. O'Rourke

[Pan_Yans Wife]

Bronco paper. From my understanding it is "old-fashioned" toilet paper that was in use in England. It isn't widely sold today. But, the Queen uses only this type of paper... I am not joking I read it in a biography awhile back. Anyway, the Queen has a well stocked supply of it, I am sure. However, it drives the aristocracy batty... or used to at least, when the Queen or her mother would be coming to visit for one reason or another, and they would have to have this special paper on hand. But, it isn't easily found in the local market! Also, I hear it has the texture of sand paper!

[Texas Eagle]

"I didn't use makeup," declares Hillary, "and wore jeans and work shirts most of the time. I was no Miss Arkansas,"

You don't say.

[PRND21]

PJ Rules

[InvisibleChurch]

("He has so much information running through his head at any given moment that he doesn't always notice where he's going.")

. She came into the dining room and asked for volunteers to help her gently shake the snow off the branches of the surrounding trees so that they wouldn't break under the weight.

i do so admire insanity on this level

[texas booster]

One snowy night during my freshman year, Margaret Clapp, then President of the college, arrived unexpectedly at my dorm. . . . We walked from tree to tree through knee-high snow under a clear sky filled with stars,...

Even Snoopy writes better material ...

It was a dark and stormy night, the stars twinkling in the void ...

If S&S didn't need to bribe her so bad, then I don't know if any vanity press in the world could have printed this and remained solvent. This book is nothing but a campaign speech, without the drama.

No, its a Stalinist speech from the 40's, where he drones on for hours and hours about his pathetic world.

[Texas Eagle]

Toilet paper with the texture of sandpaper? Hmmmm....that would explain the regal way she walks and that pained expression on her face that makes her look like she's always mumbling something to herself.

"Dammit, my ass hurts! Sonofabitch...ow! Gotta think of jolly old England. Ouch! Shit! Mother of pearl! Dammit!"

[Spyder]

I wish PJ was as prolific as Steyn. He's every bit as enjoyable. I still recommend Parliament of Whores as an excellent Civics textbook and Holidays in Hell as a good guide to the Third World.

[Carry_Okie]

You gotta read this.

[texas booster]

Hillary failed the District of Columbia bar examination, but she passed in Arkansas--and "in the first jury trial I handled on my own, I defended a canning company against a plaintiff who found the rear end of a rat in the can of pork and beans he opened for dinner one night."

Excuse me, but wouldn't most lawyers want to take a case to court that they have a better chance to win? Whose decision to take these guys money, just to oppress the proletariat? Did she win? Anyone have access to Lexis-Nexis?

OTOH, it sounds perfect for a sleaze-pimp lawyer that takes a case protecting the MAN, takes their money, dumps on a victim, then claims to be the sole representative of said victim on what they really need in life.

[Texas Eagle]

After listening to Jiang Zemin explain that the Tibetans had been liberated by the Chinese, Hillary concludes, "I don't think Jiang . . . was being quite straight with me on Tibet."

I called Bill that night to get his input, but he didn't have time to discuss this with me. He said he had to get back to counseling a pizza delivery girl whom he had recently befriended.

[Texas Eagle]

It was a dark and stormy night, suddenly a shot rang out!

It was the famous World War I flying ace! He was hiding in the sun and dove down on me and riddled my Sopwith Camel with bullet holes.

Curse you, Red Baron!

[Lancey Howard]

"So, what would Mrs. Roosevelt have to say about my present predicament? Not much, I thought."

The most ironic thing about this brilliant and hilarious book review is that it is 90% excerpts from the book itself! It is Hillary who is making me laugh out loud. Not with her; AT her.

[arasina]

Is it possible that P.J. is the only reviewer to have actually read the book? Sure seems so. One of my favorites from his review:

Not that the book isn't supposed to sell. And I understand it's selling nicely. I do not begrudge Hillary and her publisher their profits. The money will allow them, per Dante, to visit the fifth cornice of purgatory, where avarice is atoned, whenever they can get family leave from the ninth circle of hell where they'll be eternally tortured for spreading false doctrine.

He, Dennis Miller and Ann Coulter are at the top when it comes to ascerbic wit.

[freekitty]

Very good article and whew am I glad I didn't buy or read her book.

[thegreatbeast]

I was really laughing during the first half of this piece and then it kind of slowed down but it was a funny. Did she really fail the DC bar exam the first time? One of the 100 greatest lawyers? One of the smartest women in the world?

[ladyinred]

Also, I hear it has the texture of sand paper!

Her majesty must be clean you know!
I rather suspect Hillary carries around the old corn cob however stuck you know where under ole crusty! She and Bill are poor doncha know, can't pay those legal bills!

[SierraWasp]

Ok, if I hafta. But I really don't give a BLEEP about her BLEEPIN dumb book!!! BLEEP that BLEEPIN BLEEP!!! (and the husband she rode in on!!!)

[Billthedrill]

HAS "LIVING HISTORY" been dumbed down for its intended reader?

I caught that one too. Yes, it most certainly has been, or perhaps that's a bit of a misnomer inasmuch as it was probably never particularly smart to begin with. But when I read the part about shaking the snow off the trees I became utterly convinced that someone, somewhere is having a huge laugh at having garnered a share of eight million buckaroos for having successfully excreted that one into the publishing potty. Astounding.

A tip of the BtD beermug to P.J. for slogging through that fetid little brick. "Greater love hath no man..."

[ladyinred]

I wondered about that too. I have never heard she flunked the bar anywhere. Oh I do so hope this is true.

[j.frank.dobie]

P.J. On target, as always.

I loved her version of the 1968 Chicago Dem. Convention riots. Talk about just phoning it in. ("the rock nearly hit us").

Just listen to the Chicago (the rock band) album from that time frame (I think it's the CTA album, maybe "Dialogue" is the cut, it's been many moons since I've dug that album out). That will bring it to life. Anyone who "almost got hit by a rock" was a poser.